Echo of Silence

Author: Crystal D. Budy
Genre: Mystery
How long it's been on sale: Jan 2012
Current price: $2.99
Marketing: FB, Twitter, GoodReads, blog, website, Squidoo, featured on Hercules Editing and Consulting blog, reviewed on Manic Readers, featured on Best Indie Writers
Total sold so far: 20
Link to book on Amazon: Echo of Silence (North Coast Mystery #1)

Product Description:

Special Agent Rob Karlton is brilliant, dedicated, and tries hard at whatever he does. He's also stubborn, sarcastic, and spends much of his time pissing a lot of people off. A tragic past has left him bitter and contemptuous toward women and life in general and his attitude doesn't rub well with a lot of people. One of those people is his new boss, Lilah Matthews. Rob is horrified that his new boss is a woman and makes no bones about expressing that opinion. Lilah has no problem taking none of his crap and giving his attitude back to him tenfold.
When 13-year-old Cassie Phelps gets swiped off the street on her way to school by men in ski masks, Rob is placed on the task force to help find her. When he discovers that Cassie and her parents didn't exist before 2004, he's dead-set determined to find out the story behind it. What he uncovers goes much deeper than anything he could have ever imagined.
This book contains strong language, violence, and adult content that is not acceptable for anyone under the age of 17.

First 300 Words:

Thump. Thump. Thump. The sound echoed in my ear, vibrating through my skull, until I felt like my brain was going to dribble out of my ears. Cracking open an eye, I observed the world around me. Drab off-white walls, burglar bars on the windows…this was definitely not my apartment.

The heavy feeling in my head and the cotton in my mouth reminded me of the liquor I had consumed the previous night before the memories began to flood back. Note to self: stop drinking so much.

My stomach lurched as I swung my feet off onto the hardwood floor. The pounding in my head increased as I stood. The early morning light began to seep through the dirty blinds, and I winced, turning away. And that’s when my eyes fell upon the woman stretched out in a bed the size of King Tut’s tomb. And try as I might, I couldn’t for the life of me think of what her name was.

My name is Rob Karlton. And I’m really just an average guy. An average guy who drinks too much and enjoys casual sex – quite often, might I add – but that is beside the point, now isn’t it?

I scoured the room in search of my clothes. The bedroom was a mess of scattered clothing and bed sheets. The woman was either a terrible housekeeper, or we’d had some serious play last night.

My jeans were turned inside out, one pant leg sticking out from under the bed. I discovered my t-shirt hanging off the closet doorknob, and God only knows where my socks were.

Another two minutes of searching and I decided screw the socks. I jammed my feet into my sneakers. As I did a quick check in the mirror to make sure I didn’t have any embarrassing lipstick marks anywhere — hey, it’s happened to us all at least once, — a small moan escaped from the bed.

“Come back,” the woman purred. “We should try it once sober. Make sure it’s still as good.”


Comments: I want to like the cover, I really do. I love the colors, I love the font, and I think it's well designed. The only problem is I can't figure out anything about the story from the cover. I see some kind of weird object on the grass, but it's so small I had to click the "Look Inside" feature to see the cover larger to figure out it was a shoe. Ah, one shoe left behind. LOVE that. But I can't see it. And in thumbnail it's going to be impossible. My suggestion? That one shoe is brilliant on the cover. Focus on that. Make that the whole cover. Really express that one left behind shoe. Ditch the city and the park bench. Focus on the shoe. That communicates something to the reader. It gives us a solid genre, and makes us want to know more.

I'll be honest, the first paragraph of the description put me to sleep. The one shoe on the cover promised me the book was about someone who was kidnapped or missing. The first paragraph didn't say anything about a missing person. If I were wanting a book to read, I would move on before getting to paragraph two. I'd cut the whole thing.

The second paragraph starts out strong. The only thing I would add would be a short description of Rob, since I suggested cutting the first para. Maybe: When 13-year-old Cassie Phelps gets swiped off the street on her way to school by men in ski masks, Special Agent Rob Karlton is placed on the task force to help find her.

The second sentence is good. I would leave it. The third sentence is too vague. "What he uncovers goes much deeper than anything he could have ever imagined." This tells me nothing, and isn't intriguing. It's repelling. I want to know what kind of story I'm in for. Does he uncover a drug ring? A psycho with frozen heads in his freezer? Teens being sold as slaves? I can't tell from your description, so I'm not sure I want to read it. Please don't be vague. You don't have to detail the entire plot, just give us an idea of what we are in for.

The beginning of the book doesn't do it for me. I would get more opinions about it, but for me it didn't work. I didn't like when the character introduced himself. That totally took me out of the story. I also have no idea why it started with thump thump thump. What does that even mean? His heart beat? Someone banging in the apartment above? I can't tell and it's not good.

I would suggest redoing the description and focusing on the shoe on the cover. I would get more eyes on the book to make sure the little kinks are worked out. Maybe some beta readers or a critique group. What do you guys think?

Burning Questions [Part 1 of the 1970's Trilogy]

Author: Barry S. Willdorf
Genre: Suspense, Thriller, Mystery
How long it's been on sale: Since August 1, 2011
Current price: $3.99

Marketing: I've promoted it regularly on 11 Yahoo groups. I've advertised on FB. Done a giveaway on Goodreads and LibraryThing. I've sent an email announcement to about 400 contacts. I've done press releases and gotten one large article in a local paper. I maintain a blog for the book. I promote directly on FB periodically, when there is some sort of tie-in. I've had three readings, one at a bookstore and two salons. Reception has been good but it hasn't turned into sales. I've done two guest appearances on blogs. I have a YouTube trailer. One review (four stars.)

Total sold so far: Approx. 75

Link to book on Amazon: Burning Questions [Part 1 of the 1970's Trilogy]

Product Description:

When the young heir of a wealthy Gloucester, MA family, is found shot with his step-father’s gun, the authorities quickly declare it to be a teenage suicide. But his mother wants an investigation. The family’s white-shoe law firm puts Nate Lewis, an inexperienced former intern, on the case. Was he picked because someone wants a bungled investigation or cover-up? Then, Christina Lima, the deceased’s stunning girlfriend from a poor Portuguese fishing family, tells Nate that the young man witnessed a hotel arson just before he died, and together they stumble onto a conspiracy to burn down the town’s old hotels. Soon Nate and Christina are running for their lives—and falling in love—as arsonists-cum-hit men stalk them all over historic Cape Ann.

First 300 Words:

On the day before I met Christina, I was doing a very credible impersonation of a bum. I’d even begun to believe it myself. But in my defense, I was facing the prospect of being drafted and there didn’t seem to be much point in having ambition.

I once had a professor of trial practice who began his classes by reading from an instruction judges routinely give to jurors at the beginning of a case:

“Remember to keep an open mind and do not form or express an opinion about the case until all the evidence has been received.”

He said it was sound advice for lawyers too. “If you fail to reserve your judgments...” he wagged his finger. “...someday you’ll find yourself in the middle of a trial confronted with a messy little fact that you overlooked. If you have to lose a case, don’t do it because, in your prejudice, you overlooked a messy little fact.”

If people had been following his advice, I’d never have met Christina Lima. We both were messy little facts.

****


I was absentmindedly tapping into a can of Krueger ale when a rag-top Coupe DeVille, just off the showroom floor, pulled onto Shore Road. Though much of her face was hidden by a broad-brimmed straw hat and oversized shades, enough epidermis was out there to tell that its driver was a classy lady with a “Coppertone tan.” She pulled to a stop beneath my window, got out and mounted the stairs slowly. Her slender hand gingerly dodged the splinters on my paint-chipped rail- ing. I didn’t know anybody who could afford a new Caddy. I assumed she’d come to the wrong address.

She was dressed in an expensive plaid skirt that stopped at mid-thigh, and a sleeveless top. Her fine-boned arms had muscle definition and despite some knobbiness in the knees, her legs were long, slim, and looked like they’d seen a lot of exercise.

Comments: I like the cover. I think it fits the genre well. I love the guy with the shadowed face. That's my favorite part. I also like the fonts used. I think the cover isn't the issue here. It's very well done, in my opinion.

The book description kind of confuses me. I had to read it several times just to understand the connection between the events described. I think rewriting the blurb will really help this book.

The beginning of the book didn't grab me. It kind of jumps around like the description. I had a hard time connecting what being a bum had to do with a professor of trial practice, and what they both had to do with meeting a woman.

I would get more opinions on the blurb and the beginning of the novel. If the whole novel jumps from subject to subject, I would definitely put the whole thing through a critique group and tighten it up. There should be a natural progression in a book. Because A happens, then B happens, and because B happens then C happens. If we go from A to 3 to Orange, we get confused.

My suggestion would be to find some other authors and tighten up the blurb and get critiques on the novel itself. What do you guys think?

The Scavenger's Daughter: A Tyler West Mystery

Author: Mike McIntyre
Genre: Mystery/Thriller
How long it's been on sale: 11 Months
Current price: $3.99
Marketing: KB, Goodreads ads, blog reviews and interviews, press releases, giveaways
Total sold so far: 850
Link to book on Amazon: The Scavenger's Daughter: A Tyler West Mystery

Product Description:

Tyler West, suspended Pulitzer Prize-winning reporter from the San Diego Sun, is desperate for a scoop that will save his career. Defying a spiteful publisher and a vindictive homicide detective, he investigates the baffling deaths of several of San Diego's powerful, rich and famous. Police call the murders unrelated, but Ty uncovers a common link: torture devices last used during the Dark Ages, including the Iron Maiden, the Pear of Anguish, and the most sinister of all--the Scavenger's Daughter.

Ty is plunged into a mysterious world of medieval torture scholars, antiquities collectors, museum curators, and sadomasochists. Aided by photojournalist Melina "Mel" Koric, a former Bosnian War refugee, he must break the brilliantly conceived series of slayings that has cast a dark shadow over a city better known for its sun, sand and surf. The elusive killer goes by the name Friar Tom, in tribute to his hero, Tomás de Torquemada, the first Grand Inquisitor of the Spanish Inquisition. As Ty scrambles to unmask the monstrous zealot, he pursues his lost love, Jordan Sinclair, an assistant district attorney and single mom. With the city caught in an escalating nightmare of medieval mayhem, Ty is drawn into a lethal game of cat and mouse that could cost him everything.

Lightning-paced, intricately plotted and wildly suspenseful, The Scavenger's Daughter grabs the reader early and doesn't let go until its heart-pounding climax.

First 300 Words:

PROLOGUE:

DARK THEATERS


Candles flickered inside his self-storage unit. Santa Claus tapers, Easter Bunny pillars, Valentine votives, Halloween jack-o’-lantern tealights, a Rugrats menorah. He’d paid fifty cents for a crate of holiday candles on eBay after he was the only bidder to spot the misspelled listing: candells. He saved where he could. His was an expensive hobby.

Unit 67 was the size of an auto repair shop, the largest for rent at Sea Breeze Mini-Storage. The terraced complex of concrete buildings hugged the hillside above the I-5 freeway. A battered sign—24-HOUR ACCESS, YOU KEEP THE KEY—dangled from the sagging chain-link fence. The neighborhood of taxi garages, shabby apartments and weedy sidewalks was miles from San Diego’s palm-lined beaches. A pimple on the shoulder of America’s Finest City.

His drive-up unit was in the top row, its back wall embedded in the steep hill. Shamu, SeaWorld’s star killer whale, winked at motorists from a billboard towering above.

Most of the storage units held the furniture, dishes and clothing of the newly divorced and sailors at sea. Others contained sports equipment, camping gear, boats and RVs.

His unit housed medieval instruments of torture.

It was noon. He heard a jet pass overhead on final approach to Lindbergh Field. More pasty tourists had come to squeeze through turnstiles at the San Diego Zoo, splash in the surf and soak up the Southern California sun.

They could keep it all. He liked to play indoors.

“Dark theaters are prepared for dark deeds,” he intoned, quoting the motto etched on European torture chamber walls during the Middle Ages.

He popped a CD into the boombox—A Collection of Gregorian Chants. The medieval music filled the room, melting the tension in his neck.

Vicki's Comments: I like the cover, although it makes me lean more toward horror than mystery/thriller. But after reading the description of the book, I imagine the cover goes quite well with the book. My only concern would be that the cover is giving the reader the wrong impression when they glance at it, and I'm not sure it's working to draw in the people that love mysteries and thrillers. Before changing it, I would get more opinions on it, though, because I really do like it.

The description is good. I think it does a good job with drawing the reader in, and making them want to read more. We'll see what others say, but for me it was a 'win.'

For me, the beginning of the book was the weakest link. I thought the humor of the cheap misspelled candles from ebay didn't go with the vibe of the psychopath. I also felt like the writing could be tightened up a bit. My biggest suggestion here would be to get a few critiques and tighten up the beginning of the book. If I were reading this sample, I would not buy the book.

What do you guys think?

Katheryn's Secret

Author: Linda Hall
Genre: Mystery, Suspense, Inspirational
How long it's been on sale: 7/4/2011
Current price: $2.99
Marketing: Facebok, Twitter, Web Page, Kindle Forums
Total sold so far: 49
Link to book on Amazon: Katheryn's Secret (Coast of Maine Series)

Product Description:

This novel interweaves elements of mystery and suspense with a message of hope. The novel brings healing to those wounded by legalism in the church. Mystery writer Sharon Colebrook finds herself the unexpected recipient of her deceased Aunt Katie's papers, and hopes to learn about a murder Katie had hinted at years before. But as Sharon and her husband Jeff begin to investigate, the carefully kept facade of her strict religious family begins to crumble. Secrets, long buried, begin to surface, and only God's grace can put this family back together again. 

First 300 Words:

The flashlight dimmed. I looked down at it in surprise. Didn't I just put new batteries in? I cursed out loud a couple of times and then rammed the thing against the cement wall. Hard. All I succeeded in doing was cracking the plastic casing. The quality and quantity of light did not change, but remained a dull trickle of pale yellow. I muttered to myself and kept picking my way down the basement steps. When I reached the bottom I held onto the wall with my left hand and used the pinpoint of light to look around. This is where she said she'd be, that mysterious middle-of-the-night caller who had awakened me from a sound, albeit short, sleep a little more than half an hour ago. "Underneath the barn," she had said.

"Underneath the barn?" I didn't know barns had an underneath."

"Just take the steps down at the side of the building. I'll be waiting."

I poked through bits of straw and hay and dried manure and wondered if this whole thing were a practical joke concocted for my birthday. Except my birthday was seven months ago. Well, the joke was on me. Here I was up to my sneakers in manure with a weak flashlight, looking for what? I shook my head realizing that I should have had it examined long ago.

The weird middle-of-the-night muffled voice had talked about life and death and how I was the only one on the face of the earth who could help. Yeah, I bet you say that to all the girls.

But there was something about that whispery voice, something familiar when she woke me with,
"Summer? Summer Whitney? I need to see you."

I'm naturally curious. That's what makes me a good private investigator. I knew I'd never sleep anyway, not after a call like that, so I got up.

Vicki's Comments: The cover could use some work. I think the photo of the ocean isn't working. I don't know why, but sunsets, skies and oceans just don't do it for me as book cover images. There's probably a reason. Maybe because it doesn't show a clear genre? I don't know. However, I do think a new cover would greatly improve the sales of this book. I'd also change the font. I would look at other books in the Mystery/Suspense/Inspirational genre and see what fonts they use. (That's not stealing...it's research.)

I would cut the first two sentences of the book description. The first sentence doesn't say anything about the plot. People read descriptions to get the plot of the novel. The second sentence is subjective. The novel might not bring healing to someone. The third sentence is where the description actually starts. The rest is actually not bad for a description. It's a little vague, what secrets come forth? I'd like to know if the book is dealing with an unwed mother in the family, or an ancestor who robbed a bank. Depending on what the secrets are, it could change the story dramatically. Be more direct with your description.

I liked the beginning of the book. It hooked me. I'd keep reading to find out what happens. I don't think the issues with this book are in the prose. I would change the cover, maybe pay a graphic designer, and get some help polishing up the blurb. This book has potential.

What do you guys think?

Death Before Swine

Author: V.K. Scott
Genre: Mystery
How long it's been on sale: July-9-2011
Current price: $.99
Marketing: Twitter, KindleBoards, LibraryThing Giveaway, Blogging, Submission to book bloggers, price drop from $2.99 to 99 cents
Total sold so far: 25
Link to book on Amazon: Death Before Swine

Product Description:

Greed. Betrayal. Murder. Just another week in Diamond Alley, Arizona...

Ben Hart is a high school chemistry teacher who thought his biggest problems were test scores and lunchroom politics. That was before he lost his job, discovered his colleague murdered, and found himself with a new assignment—catch the killer. Now, as he navigates Diamond Alley’s backstreets, his questions are no longer multiple choice: Who can he trust? Will he ever get back to a simple life of worksheets and lab reports? And will he uncover the truth before the killer slips away?

Death Before Swine is 65,000 words long, or about 260 printed pages. 

First 300 Words:

The woman screamed at me. There was no way her son, her precious darling snowflake, could have done it.

It didn’t matter that I had the proof laid out right in front of her. I’d even highlighted the appropriate sections to make it easier for her to read. It still didn’t matter. It almost never did with parents like this.

“There’s no way in hell that my son cheated,” she said. Her gold earrings shook on the sides of her dark face. The woman’s hair, trimmed down almost to her scalp, made her look like a drill sergeant. “How dare you accuse him!”

It was a fair question. She wanted evidence, and evidence was what I had. I paused for a second, making sure that I didn’t show any more emotion than necessary. It gave me some pleasure to see her sweat a little. Abrasive parents were one of the few things I disliked about teaching high school chemistry.

Robert Byrd, my principal, cocked his head to one side, compressing the rolls of fat in his neck. His folded hairy arms rose and fell on top of his stomach. He was waiting for my answer, too.

A lone window about the size of a brick let the only natural light into the room. The light glinted off the well-dusted frames of nearly a dozen awards and certificates nailed to the wall, as well as several inspirational posters. Byrd had closed the door when the meeting started, and the air grew more stagnant by the second as he and the woman stared me down.

I didn’t address either of them, though. Instead, I focused my attention on the sixteen-year-old in front of me. Duntai Kennedy hung his head and ran a hand through his black cornrows. Apparently, the logo on his T-shirt was more interesting than the charges of plagiarism I had just leveled against him.

Vicki's Comments: I kind of like the cover for the artistic value, but as a book cover I don't think it is doing it's job. I get no sense of genre at all from the cover. It does not look like a mystery to me. I think a new cover would really help this book. The title also makes me think it's a funny book, which might not be the way you want to portray it.

There are things I like about the description. I like these two lines: Ben Hart is a high school chemistry teacher who thought his biggest problems were test scores and lunchroom politics. That was before he lost his job, discovered his colleague murdered, and found himself with a new assignment—catch the killer. I would suggest reworking the rest. I would like a bit more information about the book. How does a high school teacher become the person to catch a killer? Is the killer after him? Did he witness the murder? Is he a suspect and has to clear his name? With a bit more explanation I think this description can work.

I like the beginning of the book. I think it's well written. If it were me, I would cut the first two paragraphs and start with the woman's dialogue. I kind of feel like there's too much telling in the first bit, and I can infer from the rest what's going on. But that's a little nit pick. I would read on.

My best guess as to why this book isn't selling is the cover. A redesign would probably help this tremendously. What do you guys think?

FOR EVERY ACTION There Are Consequences

Author: Gail M Baugniet

Genre: Mystery
How long it's been on sale: 3 months
Current price: $2.99

Marketing: Daily/Weekly Mentions on Twitter, Facebook, and personal blog; one library appearance; hand out business cards;

Total sold so far: 12
Link to book on Amazon: FOR EVERY ACTION There Are Consequences

Product Description:

Pepper Bibeau's insurance investigations for a Wisconsin-based company sometimes involve a murder, but she never thought she would cause one.

Days before the 1968 Democratic Convention, Pepper arrives in Chicago to settle questionable medical claims for an elusive doctor. Her assignment also includes a background check on a life insurance beneficiary who admits to stabbing his wife.

When a close friend is killed, and Pepper is hospitalized after an unprovoked attack, a homicide detective decides someone wants to put a stop to her investigations. For her safety, he suggests she return to Wisconsin, but Pepper is determined to learn why her insurance investigation has stirred up a tragic chain of events. What she discovers are the devastating consequences of one person's greed that she must expose before someone stops her, permanently.

**Book printed in 12-font size for easy reading**

First 300 Words:

Friday, August 2, 1968 Wisconsin

 

Our office coordinator handed me the life insurance claim at noon on Friday. Then she leaned against my desk and popped the cover on a jar of Li Hing Mui dried mango, helping herself to a couple of slices while I skimmed the file.

 

The coroner’s report of the death scene described numerous knife wounds inflicted on the female and copious amounts of blood sprayed across a bathroom mirror. The fine hairs on my neck bristled as I imagined the victim watching her attacker approach. Had the woman seen the knife arch over her shoulder before she felt the first impact? Or had fortune allowed her to lose consciousness without ever realizing the horror of her imminent death?

 

I looked up and gave Liz a squint-eyed stare for dropping the case on me this late in the week. She brushed Li Hing Mui powder off her hands and flashed me a raised-palms “don’t shoot the messenger” sign.

 

“Sorry, Pepper. You know Mr. Sullivan always has the last word.” She picked up a business card that had fallen to the floor and set it on my desk. As she exited my office, she fingered the dried maile lei draped over the doorframe.

 

The maile lei and the mango were souvenirs from my twenty-sixth birthday party last December. I’d celebrated in Hawaii with family who resided on the Big Island near the small town of Hawi. The occasion remained bittersweet in my memory. I’d resigned my army nurse corps commission in October and had flown straight to the Islands. My mother had returned several months earlier. She died quietly within weeks of my arrival. My son, Nate, continued to live there with relatives.

 

I glanced back at the life insurance file on my desk and canceled any

Vicki's Comments: Looking at the cover, there are a lot of good things going for it. A lot of mystery/suspense/thriller books have city landscapes on them. I also like the blood. It's not your usual book cover design, but I don't know that it's hurting the book. I think it's well designed and I don't think I would change it right away. Now, if you get a lot of people saying they didn't think it was a mystery, or the cover wasn't attractive to them, maybe think about changing it. But my gut tells me it's a good cover.

The description could use a little tweaking, but honestly I like it too. I think it ends stronger than it starts, though. I think some of the details that are in the beginning can be cut down to the important stuff. Maybe start with something like: When insurance investigator Pepper Bibeau is sent to Chicago to examine questionable medical claims, she finds out the hard way someone wants to put a stop to her inquiry.

In reading the first 300 words, I'm getting the feeling that this novel will have a lot of details included that might not be very important. Is it necessary that we know it's noon on Friday? We can tell it's late in the week when she gives Liz the squint-eyed stare. I'd cut the noon on Friday. Is it important that she's eating Li Hing Mui dried mango? It seems like it's forced. I also don't like the back story that comes out so soon in the beginning. I don't know the character yet, so I really don't care that she had celebrated her twenty-sixth birthday in Hawii. And that paragraph seemed all over the place starting with the birthday, going on to the army nurse corps, and then her mother's death, and ending with her son living with relatives.

Since this is the beginning of the book, it needs to hook the reader right away. I think there's a great premise to this book, and I like the style of the writing. I think the beginning can be stronger, maybe with the help of a critique group. Once there's a strong hook I think this novel can really take off.

My only other suggestion would be to submit the book to book bloggers, and become active over at Kindleboards.com if you're not already.

What do you guys think?