Author: Jason Krombine
Genre: Contemporary Fiction
How long it's been on sale: April 1, 2009
Current price: $.99
Total sold so far: 32
Comic Fiction/Romance/Family/Comic books Family can be rough some times. It can be even worse when you work together. Brothers Matt and Nathan Roman are the crack creative team behind the comic book sensation: Explorers of the Unknown. Matthew writes the words. Nathan draws the pictures. It was the perfect combination, until Matt came back from his honeymoon to find Nathan transformed into a comic book creator diva and sleeping with half the town's female population.
First 300 Words:
“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to rip him to shreds. No, wait, I’ve got something better. I’m going to pull his entrails out through his nose and then wrap them around his neck, choking out whatever little life might be left in him. That’s what I’m going to do. I want you to imagine the most painful death possible and you may come close to imagining what I’m going to do to him,” Matthew Roman stormed into the offices of Awesome Comics. He was oblivious to the presence of the three people sitting in the lobby, one of whom was the new intern by the name of Sam Donavon. But even if he had been aware of the people, it was unlikely that Matt would have tempered his rage-filled monologue.
Jillian Fields effortlessly slipped out from behind her front desk and into Matt’s path blocking his entrance into the bullpen. She held up “While You Were Out” messages. “You have messages.”
Matt looked at Jillian and then at the messages. “I’m on a warpath here, I have no time for messages.”
“First,” Jillian continued, ignoring him completely. “Joe Turner called, said he had that ‘thing’ for you. He wouldn’t elaborate, so therefore I was forced to imagine the most absurd and potentially disgusting thing possible. Does your wife know that you’ve ordered a life-size photo of Princess Leia? In the metal bikini?”
Matt peeked around Jillian at the empty hallway. Then he looked at Jillian. Then back at the width of the hallway. Jillian was by no means a fat woman, and Matthew himself was equally lacking in girth, but there was no way he could get past her without some kind of physical contact, which, of course, would lead to all sorts of awkward and potentially legally
Vicki's Comments: First, I really like the cover. I think the graphics are great. The problem for me is the cover makes me think I'm buying a comic book, and not a book about men who create comic books. I had hard time figuring out the genre on this book, and I think the cover might be adding to that genre confusion. Sometimes people tag their books with the genre, so I checked out the tags. "Christian Fiction" and "Chick Lit" didn't seem to fit your description, so I would probably tweak your description to match the genre.
And I also noticed you start your description with a few words that look like tags. I would take that out. You only have a few seconds to grab the attention of the reader, so make your description hook the reader and pull them in, wanting to read more.
I liked your first 300 words, but I think you could benefit from an editor. (You don't need a coma after dialogue unless you have a dialogue tag.) I'd also do a check on all adverbs. If it's repetitive, cut it. (ex. Effortlessly slipped. The word 'slipped' tells us she got up effortlessly, so you can cut the weak adverb.) I might run this through a critique group just to tighten it up because I think it can be a very good story.
Overall, I think your worst problem is genre confusion. I think I would try a different cover to indicate the genre better. If this is christian fiction, I would look at other christian fiction covers and try to emulate them to communicate the genre better. If that tag is wrong, I would try to get it removed or have people down vote it, and then make the correct genre clear in the description and cover art.
Now your turn. Why do you think this book isn't selling?