1/1 Jihad Britain

Author: Jack Everett & David Coles
Genre: Political/Crime Thriller
How long it's been on sale: Jan 2011
Current price: $2.99
Marketing: Twitter constantly to nearly 1700 followers which carries through to Face Book. Had it reviewed by Natasha Harding head book reviewer for The Sun daily newspaper, circulation 4 million (UK)who published her review and gave it 4* Paid for a video and listed it on every site possible including Independent Authors Network.
Total sold so far: 270+
Link to book on Amazon: 1/1 Jihad Britain

Product Description: 

New Years' Eve: the world parties on unaware as a toll of death far beyond 9/11 and 7/7 spreads across Britain. The UK makes its own rules as 1/1 dawns and they don't include fair play. A global-warming fuelled disaster engulfs the country. Can its citizens pull together despite differing skin colour and culture? Years later and still at large, the New Year bomber has a private agenda and a nuclear bomb.

First 300 Words:

2006 AD

The summer of 2006 and people cowered in the ruins of their towns and villages while the Israeli planes screamed over Southern Lebanon. The bombs were targeted on the power plant in Zahrani on July 15th and only one bomb actually hit the western suburbs; most of the smaller munitions were scattered across the farms and holdings to the east, where it was thought that Hezbollah military were using the fruit orchards for cover.

From his vantage point in the hills above Zarit, Fahkri watched the F-161’s as they first screamed overhead forcing him to clap hands to ears and his charges - a mixed flock of goats and sheep - to leap and jump around in total disarray. He saw the Hezbollah running and hiding in the fields and saw the jets return much more slowly. He watched open-mouthed as one F-161 dropped its load, a single CBU-58 which split in half releasing six hundred and fifty bomblets onto the fields and town below.

Hundreds of explosions ripped trees and houses to shreds, thousands of titanium pellets tore through masonry as easily as flesh, snuffing out life everywhere, all in an instant.

When the raid was over Fahkri went home, or to the place where his home had been. It was difficult to tell which was Fahkri’s home and which was the chemist’s shop next door. The place where his family had been living only minutes before was now a low mound of rubble. Somewhere beneath the stones and broken concrete were his parents, his two brothers and his sister.

He and his neighbours tore at the ruins for the rest of the afternoon. At about five o’clock they found the lifeless body of Latif, his elder brother and shortly afterwards that of his sister. 

Comments: The cover isn't bad, however I do have some nit picks. The overall image seems a bit dated. Maybe it's because so many covers these days are done with photomanipulation, and this looks more like a painting. The title font looks stretched and it's hard to read. The author names are even harder to read.

I don't think I like the title. It was not obvious to me it was a date when I first looked at it. I was thinking it was one divided by one, which is one, so wasn't sure how to say the title in my head. I didn't get it at first, and you have to make that connection right away or people will go on to the next book. Maybe I'm alone in the confusion, so I would get the opinion of others on the title.

Just a small note about marketing. When someone says they "twitter constantly" that makes me very nervous. What are you tweeting? If it's book posts, you're not marketing, you're annoying people. Try conversation with others. Just retweeting others isn't good enough. You've got to interact. Have real conversations. Twitter is not a good way to sell books. It's a good way to be social. It's a social network. It's supposed to be a good way to be social. It's not a platform for selling. You'd be better off spending your time finding book review blogs to submit your book to...and writing another book.

The book description is lacking. Who is the main character? The hero? Who will I be spending my time with if I buy this novel? Sure, the threat is good to know, but I want to know the characters, not just the boiled down plot. Introduce your main character, let us know the stakes. I also don't like the 'years later' part. Is this story about the first disaster, or is the main story about stopping the New Year bomber in doing something even worse than what happened on 1/1? The entire description is talking about 1/1, but then the last sentence makes me think the book isn't about that. It's about stopping something worse. Talk about that. And the main character.

The beginning of the novel should be very emotional, but I get no emotion from the main character. The events are told almost in a matter-of-fact way. I feel very distanced from what is going on, from the character, and from the story. People are dead, and I don't care. I feel like the character doesn't care, so why should I? And I didn't have any time to get to know the character before the bomb hit. I feel like the beginning of the novel needs a lot of work, and this makes me think the entire novel might need work. I know I say this a lot, but I would suggest joining a critique group and trying to learn more about point of view, how to get a closer point of view and make the reader care about the characters.

Out of everything here, I think the cover is the least of the problems. (I would still suggest using a photo and tweaking the text.) The bigger issues are the description and the beginning of the book itself. Get these things tightened up, and I do think this book will sell.

What do you guys think?

Raw Vengeance

Author: Josh Handrich
Genre: Political Thriller
How long it's been on sale: Dec. 2011
Current price: $1.29
Marketing: Blog updated every 2-3 weeks, Facebook, Twitter, business cards, union website (over 2,000 pilots), Goodreads, was reviewed by Eric Swett at mywriterscramp.com (the other three reviewers never responded to inquiries), I redid the blurb and cover.
Total sold so far: Approx. 50
Link to book on Amazon: Raw Vengeance (The Rich Fordham Series)

Product Description:

A reporter bent on making a name for himself...

A plot to kill a candidate running for President...

A teenage boy betrayed by his own mother and bullied by thugs...

Is it all worth the sacrifice?

Rookie Chicago television reporter, Rich Fordham, is determined to become a war correspondent. To do so, he must prove himself. When his coverage of a school shooting has racial and political implications, his decision to get involved could cost him his career and his life.

Set in 2001, the events of 9/11 have a profound impact on Rich.  He wants to make a name for himself and needs to be distinguishable from fierce competition. The only person that stands in his way is veteran reporter, Wayne Vale.

Chicago mayor Shantell Cogan is planning to run for President on the republican ticket. Her problem child, Tyler, is entering high school. He is confronted the first day of class because he is different--and later for being gay.
The story takes a provocative look at bullying, racism, homosexuality, and the media.

A Political Thriller.  A Novella

First 300 Words:

Sweltering, sticky, Guam-like heat and humidity—just another September heat wave in Chicago—made it impossible to get comfortable. During the bitter cold winter months of snow, ice, and wind, people tended to behave and tough it out. People helped each other. But when the heat rose, so did their tempers. During the summer of 2001, the violent crime rate had grown exponentially in the south side and showed no signs of abating. To Patrol Officer Wes Kines, that meant nothing good ever happened.

In the Chicago Police Department’s Sixty-Fourth Precinct, it wasn’t even Monday at noon, but the drab four-level building had filled with its usual offenders: A bleached-blond woman in her forties, dressed in a pink tube top and fish net stockings, put up a fuss over being charged with reckless driving and resisting arrest. A twenty-something white male sporting a Bulls jersey and an assortment of religious tattoos was led off in cuffs for beating his girlfriend unconscious. Most were repeat offenders.

A mix of detective and patrol officers tended to arrest warrants and jail bookings. Two officers were in a heated discussion about rumors circulating over the mayor’s proposed budget cuts.
Wes kept himself busy by filling out paperwork on a DUI arrest of a heavy-set sixty-year-old blonde with coffee-stained teeth and nappy hair who kept making coffee and donut jokes thinking they were clever and original. It was difficult to focus on work when his mind was preoccupied with the rumors.
After eighteen years on the force, Wes doubted the long-term sustainability of his career. His annual pay had already been slashed twenty-five percent. His 401K was almost worthless. His alimony and child support drained what little he had left after drinking. Every week he had to pull doubles and work weekends with no days off, and he was still unable to make ends meet.

Comments: The cover looks good to me, but it does not say political thriller. To me, it says it's a regular thriller. I'd look at some other political thrillers to get an idea of some symbols you can have on here that would indicate it's a political thriller. The White House, a flag, red white and blue, those kinds of things will tell the reader right away this is a political thriller. This is a must, if you are to draw in the right audience.

The description seems disjointed to me. A plot to kill a candidate running for President...yes, that says "Political Thriller" to me. A reporter that knows, and must stop it? Yes, political thriller. A teen that goes on a shooting spree in school? Wait, what? What does that have to do with the political thriller? And we've got 9/11, racism, bullying and gay bashing thrown in there too. This seems like quite the melting pots of storylines. And then we find out it's a novella. Really? Novellas are not just short novels. They have fewer characters, fewer plot lines, less intricate stories. This does not sound like a novella to me. It sounds like a mess. Sorry, but the description isn't working at all for me. And it makes me wonder if the whole novella needs to be revamped.

The beginning of the book only further confuses me, because we are now introduced to yet another character, one that isn't even in the description. I would assume the main character would be in the description, so this officer must not be a main character. Again, I'm confused as to how he fits in with the story of a political thriller, and how it all works into a novella length book.

My advice would be first to figure out if this story is a political thriller. It's looking like maybe that's not what this is. I would next find a cover that fits the story. Then I would rewrite the description, focusing on the main character and his or her struggles. If the story has major structure issues, I would go back to the drawing board and work through those before trying to sell it. Maybe join a critique group to see if the story itself needs to be reworked. As it looks to me, just with what has been presented here, it looks like the story itself needs a lot of work. But I would definitely get the opinion of a critique group that knows story structure and how to fix issues like this.

What do you guys think?

Flash Crash

Author: K.R. Harris
Genre: Political Thriller
How long it's been on sale: 10-5-2011
Current price: $2.99
Marketing: FaceBook, e-mails, business cards printed with book cover on one side and Amazon URL for the book on the other side.
Enrolled the book in KDP Select: 3 days free = 10,300 "freeloads," 1 day free = 255 "freeloads"
Total sold so far: 165
Link to book on Amazon: Flash Crash (Abby Churchland Series)

Product Description:

Two individuals clandestinely infiltrate the electronic trading platform of the New York Stock Exchange, steal sixteen million dollars in a fraction of a second, but incite a cascade of events leading to what Wall Street referred to as the "flash crash".
Discovering the truth behind a massive government cover-up and a top secret assassination, C.I.A. covert operative Abby Churchland and Special Agent Lance Brooks become targets of the very government they serve.
It is a story of two courageous individuals who dare to match wits and plot revenge against the most powerful government on earth. Their resolve will be tested and their lives changed forever and in the process one of them will finally discover what they have spent their entire life searching for. 

First 300 Words:

On May 6, 2010 at 2:42 p.m., the Dow Jones Industrial Average began to fall rapidly, dropping more than 600 points in five minutes. Financial mayhem continued for seventeen minutes.  By 3:12 p.m. the market had regained most of its loss. Both Wall Street and Main Street wanted to know why.

CHAPTER ONE
Friday, June 11, 2010, 7:35 p.m.

The face of terrorism had a new look. Or did it? Had it been terrorism or just terror? Financial terror for sure, but why? How? Over a trillion dollars of value had evaporated in a matter of minutes from stocks traded primarily on the New York Stock Exchange. A company worth thirty billion dollars at two-forty-one p.m. was worth nothing three minutes later. Several major United States corporations lost ninety-five per cent of their stock price in less than a tenth of a second. Had an organized foreign or even domestic terrorist group waged economic warfare against the citizens of the United States? Had a rogue trader or group of traders, with insider information, tried to manipulate the stock market?

Special Agent Lance Brooks needed answers. Answers were expected. A personal meeting five weeks ago, with the Secretary of State, concerning the events of May 6 had left no doubt of that. The Secretary had been very clear. His job, in fact his entire career, was on the line and so far he had no answers. His twenty-six years of service, specializing in counterterrorism with the United States Diplomatic Security Service (DSS), had taught him there usually were no easy answers.

His experience had also taught him you never went home until the last surveillance team reported in, even if it was late Friday evening. He stood from behind his desk, stretching his back upward. It hurt most of the time. Chronic arthritis, combined with degenerative disc in his L4 and L5 vertebra, is what the MRI had shown according to the doctor. He thought about another cup of coffee. Better not; too much acid on his stomach already. He opted instead for water and a mint. Waiting was the hard part, it always had been. Finally the call came.

Comments: The cover isn't horrible, but I do think it could be better. Sometimes the bar of color works for a book cover. This is one of the times that I don't think it is working. I like the image of the white house, that really shows the genre well. I don't mind the stock market crashing arrow, but it's not my favorite part of the cover. I would make the white house larger and the crashing arrow smaller or put less emphasis on it.

The description should have spaces in between the paragraphs, making it easier to read. The text itself is a bit confusing. I'm not quite sure if the people who broke in a stole the money are the main characters who are trying to "plot revenge on the most powerful government on earth," or if the main characters are trying to unravel the mystery. It reads like the former and I'm thinking that might be a big part of the problem with this book not selling. Most political thrillers I've read and seen are about stopping corruption and not exacting revenge on the government by stealing money and causing the market to crash. If it's the latter, the description really needs re-working.

The author sent me about 760 words instead of the first 300. When this happens, I feel like the author is trying to say to me, "But the story doesn't get good until you get to the 760 mark." My response would be, "Then make the first 300 better."

The first 300 of this book is all telling. All back story. Cut the telling and back story and start with the action. If the story doesn't really get good until the phone conversation (that I had to cut because we got to our limit) then start with the phone conversation. The reader can piece together what has happened, if the author is doing their job. Give us the details as the story unfolds, in actions and dialogue. I don't want to read several paragraphs of "Just to set the scene, here is what is happening." I want the scene to start. I suggest throwing up the first chapter on to a critique website like critiquecircle.com and getting some eyes on it. Get help with the beginning and it will sell better.

My suggestion is to tweak the cover, get rid of the red bar, rework the blurb and submit the first chapter to a critique group. What do you guys think?

Inherit the Throne

Author: Steve DeWinter
Genre:Thriller
How long it's been on sale: April 5, 2011
Current price: $2.99
Marketing: 2 Kindle Nation Daily E-Book of the Day promotions (July 4th / November 25th); 1 E-Reader News Today Promotion (September 14th); 2 Month Blog Tour in June and July with Pump Up Your Book; Facebook; Twitter; Google+
Total sold so far: 780
Link to book on Amazon:Inherit The Throne (Melissa Stone)


Product Description:

40% Off the list price of $4.99 for a Limited Time!

Written under the inspiration of James Patterson, Tom Clancy and Lee Child.

Praise for Steve DeWinter's debut thriller Inherit The Throne

"...a quick, fun read that comes across as equal parts Jack Bauer (TV’s 24), Charlie Castillo (W.E.B. Griffin), and Mitch Rapp (Vince Flynn). There’s even a bit of Jack Ryan (Tom Clancy) in there...this is a book that would make for a perfect popcorn blockbuster..."
--Bibrary Bookslut

"In the latest action packed suspense fiction, Inherit The Throne by Steve DeWinter, we get to see Melissa Stone become the newest Jason Bourne...5 out of 5 stars and it falls in line for those of you that love books by James Patterson."
--Reviews from the Heart

"...fast, fun, enjoyable read that was comprised of non-stop action on pretty much every page, and a slew of characters that kept the action interesting and somewhat suspenseful...a few surprises that caught me off guard, and a delightful new heroine..."
--Curling Up By The Fire

"...the action just didn't stop!...If you like to read thrillers, then I would recommend this one! I am looking forward to reading more books by Steve DeWinter!"
--Black Diamond's Book Reviews

"...a page-turning, thrilling read. With explosive action on just about every page, we are catapulted into a novel brimming with suspense."
--Lost For Words

"I had heard all the good hype about it being a great novel, and I must confess, that I whole heartedly agree with that assessment! He totally ROCKS!"
--Reviews By Molly

Living under a new identity in the tiny Northwestern tourist town at the base of Mount Hood, Melissa thought she had finally escaped her past. That is until an assassin tries to kill her and forces her back into a treacherous shadow world she vowed never to return.

That same night an unmanned robotic SUV slams into the limousine of the Vice President of the United States and detonates with several hundred pounds of explosives. Melissa soon discovers that the attack on the Vice President and the attempt on her own life are related.

Time is running out to find out who wants her dead and why she alone holds the key to saving the President of the United States.

This is the Standard Edition. If you would like extra content such as deleted chapters and a sneek preview of the second Melissa Stone book, then you will want the Enhanced Edition. Either click the + sign next to Kindle Edition in the format section above, or search for "Inherit The Throne Enhanced". On Sale for $4.99 for a limited time!

First 300 Words:

Melissa Stone sat down on the crate from this morning’s egg delivery to rest for only a moment. Her shift was over in fifteen minutes, and she planned to go home and soak her feet for at least an hour or more. Working the job of a small motel restaurant and lounge server at the base of Mt. Hood in Government Camp, Oregon, did not help.

Melissa was only thirty years old, but she had been living her third life for nearly three years now. Three lifetimes worth of stress seemed to age her more quickly than she would have liked. Outwardly, she looked as young as her chronological age, but during these long weekday shifts, she felt every past injury that her body had endured.

The neon sign outside the motel laid claim to a restaurant on site, but in all honesty, it was nothing more than a glorified lounge with tables set up on the old dance floor that had seen better days. They provided a good view of the tiny stage that hosted Karaoke on Friday and Saturday nights.

Tonight was a typically quiet Thursday night that only brought motel residents in who were tired from their hike around Mt. Hood. Every night they dragged themselves into the restaurant section of the lounge exhausted and chatty about what they had just accomplished during the day. Melissa never received a complaint about the grease-stained menus. The hikers were always too hungry to notice and happily ordered food that was both good tasting and bad for them at the same time.

Tonight there were only two occupied tables, and Melissa was glad to have the hiking family at her table. The single man sat alone and had only ordered coffee. He held the menu up in front of him the entire time, but had continued to wave Julie, the only other server on duty, off for the past twenty minutes. Melissa would not have wanted to stay late because “Mr. Undecided” could not make a simple decision.

Sabrina's Comments:
What follows are my suggestions and first impressions. Yes, it's nit-picky. I get to focus on less than 1,000 words while you had a whole novel to edit. :) You are the author so no matter what I say, you get to decide how to present your book.

OK, to the nitty-gritty . . .

The cover: I notice that you have a different cover for your paperback. The paperback cover screams political thriller while the cover above looks like a vigilante type theme. I don't get the message that she's linked to politics at all. The flag on her butt says hippie to me. It's kind of an insult to the flag because you sit on it . . . does that message tie into your book? I don't equate hippies with protecting the president but maybe I live a sheltered life.

If I were searching for a political thriller, I would scan past your eBook thumbnail but I might stop on your paperback cover.

The blurb: Holy filler-words, Batman! I'm not a fan of books where it lists a sale price, then tons of reviews then finally gets to what the story is about at the bottom. I'm a click junkie like millions of other people. Catch me now or I wander away.

I counted. You have 5 sentences out of 23 that actually tell us what's IN the book. Reviews are great but there's a reason that Amazon puts them below the product description. If the reader is interested in what the book is about then they'll read the reviews. I don't think they would bug me as much if they were below the description of the book in your product description. Before it bothers me.

Also, I get trying to tie your name into the big names but it feels canned here. Your reviews already compare you to a big name or two so let your fans compare you and otherwise let the book speak for itself.

Listing the sale price twice feels car salesman-ish to me. Yup, you'll get this baby for this price no where else! By the way, this is the introductory price so you better grab it fast. Did I mention that we can't get anymore for 3 months . . . Once, at the end might not bug me so much but first thing, where I'm trying to figure out what the heck I'm looking at? As a buyer I would have immediately moved on to the next book -especially seeing it twice.

The actual description is solid except for the second sentence. ". . . forces her back into a treacherous shadow world she vowed never to return." If I were saying it out loud, I'd want to say "never return to". That's bad grammar so I understand why you left it off. Try something like " forces her back into a treacherous shadow world to which she vowed never to return."

I would start looking at your reviews AFTER I read the actual product description. The problem is that it's lost in everything else.

The first 300: You lost my attention in the first paragraph. Why is it important that she's on an egg crate? You also have a sentence that doesn't quite fit finishing the paragraph. " Working the job of a small motel restaurant and lounge server at the base of Mt. Hood in Government Camp, Oregon, did not help." Did not help what? I know that you're talking about her planning to soak her feet in the sentence before but you haven't told us that her feet hurt yet! More importantly, you haven't shown us that her feet hurt.

Melissa Stone sat on a crate from one of that morning's deliveries. She slipped off one of her shoes and rubbed a blister forming under the ball of her foot. After fifteen minutes of rest, she slipped her shoe back on her foot and walked to the sink in the kitchen of the small motel restaurant and bar at the base of Mt. Hood in Government Camp, Oregon. As she washed her hands, she dreamed about soaking her feet at home after her shift ended.

Do you see the difference? Almost anyone can relate to a blister on their foot. I feel the pain with Melissa as I read because I've endured them. I can remember what it felt like. Those kinds of sensory cues suck me in as a reader.

Now that I'm studying the second paragraph, how about you have her rub the arch of her foot where she broke it in one of her past identities? I like that you bring in that she has battle scars but it's feeling like an info dump.

You're setting the scene in the third paragraph but I'd rather see it than have you tell it to me. She could take an order from a patron sitting at the bar from a small menu that boasted little more than beer and appetizers, have a lone regular lift his glass and shake it at her indicating he wants a drink from a four-top near the karaoke machine that is silent except for the weekends. the reader would get the same message but it wouldn't be as info dump-ish.

In the fourth paragraph, again, you have the opportunity to show us the hikers tromping in, picking up the greasy menus and ordering delicious sounding food that would cancel out the healthy advantages of their hike.

At the fifth paragraph, I'm finally getting interested. I can see the lone guy waving off the other waitress and I like the nick-name Melissa gives him. As a former waitress, I can completely relate to that!

End Analysis: I think you have a lot to work with here. The cover is eye-catching but I'm not sure it's sending the message you want. The description would be effective if it were more accessible and for the most part is sound. The first 300 has a lot of telling instead of showing but by the fifth paragraph I'm starting to get curious. Since I know there's an assassin coming after her, I wonder if it's the guy at the table. You have to leave a comment and tell me if I'm right. (And no cheating and telling me I have to read the book to find out!) :)

Good luck with your publishing adventure! Putting together a book is a big project. I wish you all the luck as you move forward.

Tribe

Author: James Bruno
Genre: Political/Thriller
How long it's been on sale: July 16, 2011
Current price: $.99
Marketing: ?
Total sold so far: 197 Kindle, 15 Paperback, some B&N
Link to book on Amazon: Tribe


Product Description:

James Bruno is back in full force with Tribe. Author of the bestsellers, Permanent Interests and CHASM, he again pulls us into a world of espionage, political treachery and techno-thrills...

Afghanistan: Battlefield of Power - Graveyard of Reputations

"Meet Harry Brennan, CIA officer and go-to guy on Afghanistan. When his mission in Afghanistan is aborted and he finds himself back in Washington, Harry starts digging until he finds out what everyone doesn't want him to know. And it comes as no surprise to Harry that it's all about money, or oil to be exact. As the Western world's need for oil increases, something must be done to break the stranglehold of the Arab world on oil supplies. A secret deal has been struck to get a U.S.-financed trans-Central Asian oil pipeline to the Arabian Sea built through Afghanistan and Pakistan. This scenario would bring Croesus-like wealth for the oil companies, back-channel cash to politicians and cement American political and economic supremacy in Central Asia at Russia's expense. It would also force the Afghan allies to share power with the Taliban so pipelines could be built and U.S. troops finally withdrawn. Harry finds himself enmeshed in the double and triple cross of the relentless Washington political machine. In a surprise turn of events, Harry finds himself branded a traitor and fleeing for his life from jihadists in Afghanistan and Predator drones in Yemen, a target of his own CIA, while trying to rescue his kidnapped daughter."

"This is a brilliant book that is well-paced and -plotted with many interesting layers." ~ Readers Favorite.

Written by a former insider and censored by the U.S. government, TRIBE resonates with authenticity rarely seen in the political thriller genre.

First 300 Words:

CHAPTER ONE ISLAMABAD, PAKISTAN

I used to fly into Islamabad in the dead of night, in black C-130s, the U.S. Air Force insignia miniaturized so that only eagles and Clark Kent could make them out. The Paks wanted it that way. The idea was to keep the American government’s role in supporting the Afghan mujahidin as invisible as possible. After all, our cargoes were lethal. Yet, Allah forbid, should one crash or be shot down with by an SA-7 or, worse, one of our own Stingers, we could claim the marked aircraft was not on a spy mission. Another kind of plausible deniability. Covert guile. Cold War.
Now, CIA personnel fly into the Pakistani capital on commercial aircraft in bright daylight, irrespective of whether we’re under cover or not. Islamabad International Airport is like a tiny patch of unblemished skin on the otherwise pocked face of an impoverished country. Modern, spiffy, efficient. Much like Islamabad itself, an artificial new city which belies the hand-to-mouth existence of 172 million people.

I pass quickly through immigration and customs with my black diplomatic passport in hand – in my real name. Two people await me past the customs posts: a white face and a brown one. The former is a junior officer from Islamabad station; the latter a Pak intel agent whose excessive efforts to make himself inconspicuous have the opposite effect. His task is to follow me.

“Larry O’Connor,” the junior officer says as he offers his hand. This blond, clean-cut, horn-rim-spectacled generation-Y-er looks like he just stepped out of the Harvard MBA program – except that Harvard MBAs shun the CIA. He has been here a while, judging by his combination Indiana Jones bush jacket and caftan trousers.

After, “How was your flight?” “The weather is hell here now,” the usual banter, Larry’s face darkens. “It’s hard to operate in this place, do anything here,” he says with a gesture toward the pick-up with two armed Pak guards that leads our vehicle, itself a fully armored Toyota Landcruiser with inch-thick bullet-proof windows.

Sabrina's Comments:
The cover is eye catching but the first thought I had after seeing it was this is a war book. I expected a controversial memoir of a soldier, not a political thriller. I scanned through the thumbnails to see your cover smaller and you can't read "Tribe". The red letters melt into the gun. The message that it's a non-fiction battlefield story, not a thriller is even stronger when shrunk. The thumbnails are typically the first impression readers have of your book. You might be losing people because they think your book covers a different subject.

The blurb starts out with "Meet the main character . . ." This didn't work for me. You didn't overcome my "who cares?" factor. I don't know why I should care about him yet, so introducing him like this feels awkward.

His mission is aborted and he starts digging why? Is the mission aborted under suspicious circumstances? What is he digging into? I assume you mean the mission went side-ways, Harry got the equivalent of a shove out of the way and now he wants to know why. How it's written, I can also read it that he's just a snoop digging where he doesn't belong.

I don't like where you started the sentence with "And". Get rid of it and the sentence is fine. The information about the oil is great. I think it's perfect for the book.

"In a surprise turn of events" This phrase is unnecessary and cliche. If it's not a surprise, it's not a thriller.

You have "finds" in two sentences in a row.
Harry finds himself enmeshed in the double and triple cross of the relentless Washington political machine. In a surprise turn of events, Harry finds himself branded a traitor and fleeing for his life from jihadists in Afghanistan and Predator drones in Yemen, a target of his own CIA, while trying to rescue his kidnapped daughter.

I would word it something like:
Harry finds himself enmeshed in the double and triple crosses of the relentless Washington political machine. (Someone) brands him a traitor and he must flee for his life from jihadists in Afghanistan and Predator drones in Yemen. With the CIA's target on his back, his new mission is to rescue his kidnapped daughter at all costs. <- I want to work in the title at the end of this sentence somehow (instead of "at all costs" which is rather cliche as well) but I'm not sure how Tribe associates with the book and why it is the best title for the storyline.

First 300 words: "I used to fly into Islamabad in the dead of night" -You have my attention.
"in black C-130s" -I'm still with you for the description.
"the U.S. Air Force insignia miniaturized so that only eagles and Clark Kent could make them out" -I don't know why the insignia takes over as the subject of the sentence. You're in first person so the speaker is my focus, not a picture. I like the visual you are trying to make but not the execution.

From the book description, I thought the first paragraph was telling us about the mission that got him kicked back to America and causes him to start digging. At the start of the second paragraph I am guessing that you are talking about a decade or two before.

I love the third paragraph. Wonderful visuals! The rest of the story flows.

Over all, I know there are readers who won't buy a book in first person but I think you have a solid enough start that most people who love political thrillers would enjoy reading the book. I suggest looking at the message a reader with no knowledge of your plot line receives from the cover, study it in thumbnail size and tighten the blurb a little bit.