Black Rose

Author: Jennifer Ceballos
Genre: Fantasy
How long it's been on sale: May, 2012
Current price: $3.99
Marketing: Marketing on facebook...business cards, and word of mouth
Total sold so far: 3 the first month
Link to book on Amazon: Black Rose

Product Description: 

"Anne begins to feel an unusual connection towards David the dashingly handsome doctor that took care of her Mom while she was still alive….her life takes a turn when she begins to have unusual dreams--Anne can’t seem to gather anything from these dreams but when David starts coming around they start to become clearer….Will Anne ever figure out why David has a strange effect on her or will Anne begin to feel like she will go crazy at any moment?
"

First 300 Words:

Swish! Swish!

“Higher Mommy!” The wind flew through my hair as I swung on my newly made rope swing I could feel my cheeks turn red with excitement. Daddy said it was dangerous for a seven year old to be swinging on a homemade swing, but Mommy came back with, ‘it’s all part of a child’s life to make home made things as parents we shouldn’t interfere with a growing free spirit, and making a homemade swing is all part of little Anne’s spirit.’

“My little Anne any higher and you’ll be touching the heavens!” I giggled in response to that.

“I can’t touch the heavens Mommy, I’m still alive!”

“That’s right sweetie!” Mommy grabbed me before I swung forward.

I could hear Mommy laughing, “You are so smart my little one.”

Before I knew it I was in her arms as her long black hair brushed my cheek, I could smell the sweet fragrance of flowers.

“I’m smart like you Mommy.” as we hugged I planted a kiss on her soft cheek.

“You are smart just like Mommy.” I smiled, I was so happy.

“Are you ready to get back on the swing my little Anne?”

“Yes Mommy!” I was giggling as Mommy put me back on the swing—I waited for her to push me, but there was nothing.

“Mommy?” I turned around and I saw her laying on the ground she wasn’t moving—I quickly got off the swing and knelt down next to her. Her face looked pale a little sweat was gathering on her forehead—I brushed my hand across her cheek it felt warm to the touch I didn’t know if that was normal or not.

“Mommy?” Her eye’s opened a little.

“Go get Daddy sweetie.” Her voice sounded hoarse and I began to feel scared.

Comments: The cover needs some love. The word "Black" is very hard to read. Also, the author's name is difficult to see. I do like some of the things going on with the type, especially the author's name spaced out like that. I think that looks nice, but it's too hard to see, in my opinion. I don't think the black/gray scale concept is working. It also doesn't communicate the genre at all.

I'm not sure why the description has quote marks around it. That's a little distracting to me. I'd cut them. The description itself confuses me and needs editing. The whole thing is one long run-on sentence. Writing a good blurb is difficult. I always have trouble with it. I suggest getting help from other writers. Many times others can really help pin down what the most important things are about your book, and can help write them in a concise and interesting way.

The writing needs some work. I would highly suggest hiring an editor. There are many issues that need fixing. Unfortunately, this book just isn't ready for publication yet. But no worries, with some help, these things can be fixed. I would suggest joining a critique group. www.critiquecircle.com is an online critique group, and it really helped me hone my writing skills.

It can be difficult to hear that your book needs work. I understand, it's happened to me. But don't give up. It's not the end of the world. Anything can be fixed. It will take some work, but I'm sure the story here is worth it. It's just a diamond in the rough right now. Take the time to make it shine, and you'll be much more successful.

What do you guys think?

Amazombia

Update: This is the new cover and blurb for Amazombia:

Blurb: Life is good for the little slave living in the jungle of South America. He has his carrier pigeons, job security, and all the bugs he can eat. So when a bounty hunter requests his help tracking down slave traders, he immediately crawls into the safety of his memories...back when zombies were merely monsters on the movie screen, and his high school sweetheart wasn't an Amazonian queen.

Each day he stays alive in the jungle, he takes one step closer to the daughter he never met, and realizes that perhaps living as a slave is not all it's cracked up to be. (97,000 words, approx. 230 pages)

Comments on the new cover and blurb welcome.

Here is the original post:

Author: John M. Kelly Jr.
Genre: Fantasy, Romantic Comedy
How long it's been on sale: 5/13/2012
Current price: $2.99
Marketing: Harass you and friends on facebook
Total sold so far: 6
Link to book on Amazon: Amazombia

Product Description:

Amazombia is what happens when you cross the Amazon with zombies. Everything turns a greenish gray color, as any good finger painting does. Sometimes it smells lush and fruity, like the body wash of a beautiful show girl dancing on stage. At other times, not so good. A bit on the dank side, intermingled with a hint of decaying death.

Join in on the adventure. There's romance, jungles, grasslands, rivers, canoes, piranha, jaguars, and of course, a sprinkling of zombies. It's a serious work of art, and as with any serious work of art, watch for spiders. The author holds no guarantees that you will not walk into any spider webs when reading this book. But it's really not about the sticky webs in your face, is it? Of course not. It's not knowing where the giant spider is. Sure, just a moment ago he was dangling in space, a giant Alaskan king crab in the middle of the jungle. Now where is? Ignore him. That tightening around your chest? That's nothing. Well, it's something. It's either your heart, or the spider clinging to you. Either way, relax, enjoy. It's a good romp...just wave your hands in front of you as you go along. That's what I do. (97,000 words, approx. 230 pages)

First 300 Words:

Deviled Zombie Eyes
Ingredients:
6 freshly killed zombies
1 can crème of mushroom soup
3 mustard packets
3 mayonnaise packets
1 teaspoon paprika
1 large onion, halved
water to cover
garnish (optional)
Make sure zombies were killed in the last 24 hours. If you're not comfortable killing your own zombie, ask a professional. It doesn't matter if the eyeballs are intact within the skull, or if they're hanging out of the eye socket. We'll put them back in the skull for presentation purposes later. If they're older than 24 hours, forget it. No amount of boiling is going to make the eyeballs any less rubbery.
Scoop out eyeballs from sockets, discard optic nerves (optionally, cut up the optic nerves and use later in broth for seasoning). You can find an abundance of canned crème of mushroom soup in any abandoned shopping center. If you find any cans of dog food, great! The recipe doesn’t call for it, but give yourself a pat on the back for a good find. Canned dog food is a delicacy and hard to come by these days. Open the can of crème of mushroom soup, and discard contents. They have zero nutritional value. We will use the can later to store the eyeball fluid in.
Next, find the condiments in any abandoned fast food establishment. Don't bother looking for any frozen meats, they went bad as soon as the power grid went down. If you find any breads, great. Make sure the bread isn't moldy. If made into sandwiches, moldy bread will distract from the tangy taste of zombie eyes. The condiment ratio is a packet each of mayo and mustard per set of eyes. Any more, or any less, will overpower (or under enhance) the taste…just like moldy bread.
Halve each eyeball, starting at the pupil,

Comments: The style of the cover makes me think this is a middle grade book, however, the scantily clad woman makes me think it's not a middle grade book, so at first glance I'm confused. The title is hard to read, as is the author's name. The cover is also unappealing to me for some reason. Maybe it's the colors, I'm not sure. I would definitely recommend a new cover.

The entire description doesn't tell me anything about the storyline of the book. When I read a description, I want to know what the storyline is going to be about. I want to know who the main character is, and what obstacle they have to overcome. This description doesn't tell me anything about who I'm going to be spending the next few hours with if I buy this book. I want to know what I'm getting into before I buy. I would re-work the whole description. Get some other author's eyes on it. Ask your critique group about it. Often the description is the hardest thing to write. Get help.

The book starts with a recipe. Okay. It's a humorous fake-recipe, but it doesn't pull me into the story. IS there a story here? If not, let's totally reframe this. What kind of book is this? A collection of humorous things about zombies? I'm not getting it. If there really is a story here, with a main character, a plot, some sub-plots, a story arc and all that, let's start with a scene. Let's stick the funny recipe stuff in later, or at the end. If this book isn't really a novel, like in the traditional sense, we will need to figure out exactly what this is before going further. The cover, description and sample are all confusing to me. It needs to be clear to the reader what they are getting. This is terribly unclear. My suggestion would be to get help from your beta readers/critique partners. Have them help you define what this book really is, and then make the cover and description match. What other books are out there like this? See how they packaged their books. Look at the covers and descriptions. And if you've written a book in which there are no other books to compare with, well, that could be a very big problem. It's hard to sell something that isn't like anything else out there.

What do you guys think?

Claire: the Lost Fae

Author: Aithne Jarretta
Genre: Fantasy, Romance
How long it's been on sale: Feb. 14th
Current price: $2.99
Marketing: Blog, Twitter, Facebook, & Member of Triberr
Total sold so far: 37
Link to book on Amazon: Claire: the Lost Fae

Product Description:

CLAIRE: THE LOST FAE will carry you through perilous dreams and danger invoked by legions of wicked daemons.

Perhaps you'll stick around and eventually soar over the San Francisco Bay rainbow.

One thing for sure, you'll wish you had never met a nasty hound from Hades, tangled with a wicked scarecrow or discovered the River Styx is real.

However, the chance to grow magically with Claire as she overcomes wicked challenges will win you over with appealing enchantment.

The window of opportunity is here--just a WhisperNet click away. Come in. Journey step by magical step as Claire carries you into this earthly in-between realm. Meet Claire's new friends (including Leeson, the love of her life) and challenge the darkest forces of Hades.

Novella - Word Count: 37,782

Also by Aithne Jarretta

FREE: Wyndy: In a Heartbeat - Short Story - ASIN: B005QR90G2

Novel: Concentric Circles - ASIN: B001PR092Q

First 300 Words:

[1]  Threshold: Angels Speak

Fragmented edges of a horrific dream pummeled Claire into an emotional abyss. Blackness misted the edges of this outland realm, rippled eerily upon the airwaves and moved outward into the summer night.

Claire groaned.

In her nightmare, the surface of a braided rug skinned sensitive palms and skinny knees. Tiny fingers searched for any particle of hope. Its essence proved elusive.

An atmosphere of anger and fear blazed around her.

That was how she saw the world. She was tiny. Everything else was big and fearsome. Terror filled her life even at seven years old.

Smack!

Claire screamed and crawled across the floor fast, but could not get away from Ms. Bierce's anger. Third foster mother in as many months, Ms. Bierce was the biggest and instantly the meanest.

Snotty nose interfered with breathing and tear filled eyes blurred everything, but did not hide the horror. Claire sniffled and tried to stand up as a last resort to get off the rough surface of the rug. She rubbed the back of a shaky hand across her face.

The massive woman shoved. The corner of a table jammed into Claire's back. Oxygen exploded from her lungs and carried a scream of desperation.

Smack!

The air across the room parted magically on startling electrical waves. Within a heavenly light a beautiful woman shouted, "Stop that!"

Claire shoved curls away from her face, wiped eyes and stared. The glow around the woman made Claire think she was an angel.

"I know you did it!" screeched Ms. Bierce.

It was as though she did not see the woman who had appeared.

"No! No, I didn't! Joey broke it," Claire wailed.

"Back to the convent!" Ms. Bierce's heavy bosom jostled as she shook a fist at Claire. "Wicked devil's spawn!"

Comments: The cover needs a little work. Google "Fonts you should not use," and you'll find Papyrus on almost all of those lists. Why? Well, it's overused but it also doesn't look professional. I would definitely try a different font. Now the image isn't bad, it portrays that there is magic in the book. It doesn't show any romance, but that's not bad if the romance isn't a major part of the book. If this is a romance novel set in a fantasy world, then I would change the image to a more typical romance image. But I'm guessing this is not the case. I would change the font and I think it will look a lot better.

I get what you're trying to do with the description but I don't think it's working. It doesn't tell me enough about the plot or the characters, so there's nothing hooking me in making me want to read it. I think the description needs to be chucked and totally revamped.

I read the beginning of the novel and saw some telling. In fact the first sentence is telling. This makes me wonder if the entire novel has this issue. I also cringe when a novel starts with a dream. Many, many new authors start their novels with dreams, thinking it will engage the reader. It doesn't. Sometimes they think they will reveal some parts of the character's past in the dreams. That doesn't work nearly as well as just starting the story and revealing bits and pieces as you go. If it were me, I would chuck the dream and start with the main character doing something. If this dream is part of her past, have this come out little by little as the story progresses. I might also suggest joining critiquecircle.com to help weed out the telling and learn to show more in the writing.

What do you guys think?

Thin Hope

Author: Naomi Hook/Holly Hook
Genre:Fantasy/Science Fiction/Thriller
How long it's been on sale: November 18, 2011
Current price: $.99
Marketing: Advertised on author blog and Bargain eBooks blog (which I run), Librarything giveaway, submitted to two dozen book blogs (only 2 interested in reviewing it so far), advertised in B & N forums, Facebook, etc. Cannot yet advertise on many sites due to not having enough reviews to qualify.
Total sold so far: 3 on Amazon, 2 on B &N
Link to book on Amazon:Thin Hope

Product Description:

Princess Kiki Endicott faces two threats from one man. Royal General Patrick Maxwell says he's only pursuing peace, but his plan depends entirely on making himself the genetically enhanced, superhuman ruler of the known world. He wants Kiki to join him in near-immortality and become his wife--even though he's her uncle. In his desire for her, Maxwell tries to kill her lover Damon Stanza. Maxwell ends up in prison instead, and Damon takes his place as Royal General.

Now Maxwell has escaped and is marching on Kiki's city with a horde of genetically altered soldiers and magic users. It's going to take everything Kiki and Damon have to defeat Maxwell before he takes the kingdom--and Kiki herself.

**Contains moderate language, some sexual content, and intense violence at times.**

First 300 Words:

Kiki fanned herself with her tank top as the temperature in the study climbed another few degrees. It suited her mood. Once again, Delainia’s forces had moved closer to the Keilaran border, and this time, their army was situated only fifty miles to the south of where she was sitting. Darren Storm wasn't reacting well to the trade ban her father, King Morris, had imposed on Delainia last month.

In the next room, her twin brother and sister, Ryan and Riley, argued over something. Their muffled voices floated through the walls and the tall bookshelves. Ryan had probably used one of Riley’s drawings for target practice by accident again. The last one, a nice drawing of the royal garden, now sported a big bullet hole right in the middle, thanks to the palace guards fetching him an easel instead of a cardboard bulls-eye. The yelling only served to up Kiki's tension more as she gripped the corner of the newspaper and fingered it with a sweaty hand.

Fifty miles. Fifty miles away from her family. Fifty miles from her boyfriend, Damon, and her. Kiki's desert eagles felt heavy in their holsters as the headline of the Keilaran Chronicle started to blur on the table in front of her. Possible War Looming, Delainian Forces on the Move. A photograph of the Delainian president, Darren Storm, stared out at her from below the text. He walked along the hallway of some lab, judging from the clinical hallways and the white coat he wore around his suit. Beside him stood his wife, Gracie, in an identical lab jacket. Both stared out at the camera with eyes that seemed blacker than normal somehow, Darren's from behind his glasses. Kiki wasn't surprised. Anything weird seemed possible in her neighboring country since their secret human experiments had started.

Sabrina's Comments:
I see a lot of potential for Thin Hope. It seems like a good premise that would be engaging. I would execute things differently. What follows are my suggestions and first impressions. Yes, it's nit-picky. I get to focus on less than 1,000 words while you had a whole novel to edit. :)

You are the author so no matter what I say, you get to decide how to present your book. OK, to the nitty-gritty . . .

The cover: It doesn't say fantasy/science fiction to me. I can see thriller since the gal is holding a gun. I can't think of a good reason to fade her into the city scape. If the model represents the main character, she should be solid. Fading her makes odd light patterns on her skin and clothes. The floating eye in the sky doesn't strike me as pertinent or well-placed. The iris color isn't so striking that it catches my eye. It is simply a floating orb that takes my attention from the main character who is faded out. I looked at the thumbnail of your book. The eye looks okay there but the main character is fuzzy. You can't tell she's holding a gun. All in all, I strongly recommend taking another look at your cover.

The blurb: You say there's two threats from one man but you don't spell out what those threats are. I caught that one threat is he's trying to marry her but he's her uncle but if the second threat you're talking about is the army invading, that is delineated as a later time so it doesn't feel like part of the two threats. I shouldn't have to put any analytical power into figuring out what you mean.

I suggest you use the "when" formula. When the main character must to avoid When Royal General Patrick Maxwell attempts to genetically modify himself and take his niece, Princess Kiki Endicott for his wife, Kiki and her lover, Damon Stanza, foil his plans. Stripped of his title and cast into prison, Patrick Maxwell continues plotting. After breaking out of prison . . .

I like that you have a disclaimer about content. I think that trend is a positive one. My friends always ask me for suggestions on books that either don't have gore or sex or swear words. Knowing up front is a service many readers appreciate.

The First 300: Tanks tops don't seem very princess-y. Maybe it's part of your world building. I notice that you have a lot of vague words in the first 300. A few: tell me exactly how many degrees. I know a few generally represents 3 but I'm not sure where you're starting from so adding three degrees doesn't mean much. If the temperature rose from 80 to 83 I might fan myself but I don't consider that unnaturally hot. If it rose from 100 to 103, we're talking a different story. If the character is hot, I want to feel the sweat dripping down my back and I sit in the room with the protagonist in my mind. You're scene building here and there needs to be a lot more clues as to what I'm seeing, hearing and feeling. Tell me about the study. Is it like an English study with dark woods or is it modern with sleek metal furniture? These clues will give me insights into the society. Right now I'm guessing which you do NOT want as an author.

Why do I care about Delainia's forces? More importantly, why does Kiki care? Is she worried about an attack? What would that do to her society? I'm apathetic to her plight at the moment. Who is Darren Storm? Why should I care about him?

Whiplash! Now we're talking about the brother and sister. I have no visual of the siblings. How old are they? A three-year-old squabble would sound different than a 10 or 15 year-old argument. How far apart in age are the siblings? Is it a vocal argument or are they getting physical? Again, I don't know enough about them to care that they are squabbling. Give me more details to help me care. Maybe they are secondary characters but if they are important enough to have in the first 300 words, they are important enough to introduce properly if only through Kiki's feelings and maybe some of their dialogue seeping through the bookshelves.

Jerking back now, she's 50 miles away. . . from her family? Her siblings are in the next room. I understand why you mention her guns. I'm assuming you are building Kiki as a gun toting tough woman. Mentioning they are heavy while she's reading a paper feels forced. It's like you were thinking hmmm, I need to put in here that she has guns so I'll put it . . . here! I'd like to see you tie into the heat again. It was important enough for the first paragraph so reinforce it here. Kiki squirmed as a bead of sweat trickled underneath her thick leather holsters. The combination of the heat and the weight of the twin Desert Eagles in the holsters chafed her skin and caused her to dream of a cool bath. Or something to give us a peek into what she's feeling. (Don't say holsters twice like I did. Grab your handy thesaurus and mix up the words.)

Studying the picture of Darren Storm and his wife is a good way to introduce those characters. When I read it the first time, I thought she had moving pictures like in Harry Potter. Is this the effect you were shooting for? I don't know enough about the society to know how magical or scientifically advanced they are.

Showing instead of telling is a challenging talent to develop. In your first couple pages, your job is to immerse your reader in the scene with all five senses. What does he/she hear, smell, taste, see and feel? What time of the day is it? What are her surroundings? These clues will suck me in and force me to read more.

End Analysis. Good luck with your publishing adventure! Putting together a book is a big project. I wish you all the luck as you move forward.

Through the Portal

Author: Justin Dennis
Genre: YA Fantasy
How long it's been on sale: 3 Months
Current price: $.99
Marketing: Facebook, Twitter, Blog, Active on Kindleboards, sent out hundreds of emails for requests for reviews to book blogs.
Total sold so far: 17
Link to book on Amazon: Through the Portal (Book One in the Through the Portal Trilogy)

Product Description: 

What's the worst part of falling through a portal to another world and not being able to get back? When the first person you meet almost gets you killed by a ferocious, fire-breathing dragon. Luckily, Jem and Oliver, two boys who were about to start their first year in high school, are saved by Sierra, a farm girl who is itching to get out of her small town. Together, the three of them set off on a quest to defeat the evil Veroci Regime that is stealing all the magic from the world, but can they do it before the Dragon catches up with them?

Through the Portal is the first book in a planned trilogy.
Approx. 104,000 words

First 300 Words:

Jem wasn’t the type of kid who went on adventures; Oliver was. And as they sat in their last day of summer school, on a blazing hot mid-August day, Oliver was dreaming up what he thought would be his best adventure yet. It was one o’clock in the afternoon… that meant that in twelve hours he could start his plan, after everyone was sound asleep… yeah!  This was going to work… he just had to—

“Oliver!” called the teacher, a small, chubby man who was sweating profusely in his striped dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up. “Would you like to answer the question?”

Oliver snapped out of his daydream. “Uh, not really…” he muttered under his breath.

“What was that?” asked the teacher.

“Yeah, sure,” sputtered Oliver, fumbling randomly with the papers on his desk. “What’s the question?”

Snickering broke out across the crowded classroom—apparently everyone found it funny that he hadn’t even heard the question. That is ... everyone except for the boy who was a row to Oliver’s left, and three rows closer to the front. That was Jem, and he wasn’t about to laugh at Oliver.

“The question, Mr. Pautelle, was: On what date did Benito Mussolini die?”

“Benito Mussolini…” said Oliver, looking everywhere but at the teacher. “That was the Italian Hitler, right?”

This got a couple of laughs throughout the classroom.

“If you must be crude about it,” replied the teacher, obviously running out of patience. “He was the Fascist leader of Italy during World War Two, and his country was allied with Hitler’s Nazi Germany.”

“Right, right…” said Oliver, now looking at Jem for help, but he hadn’t even turned around. “So no funny-lookin’ square moustache?”

More laughter.

“Answer the question, Oliver.”

Then his eye caught the bottom of Jem’s shoe, which was visible since Jem had his right foot slightly out to the side and was on his toes. Sharpie was roughly scribbled over the white rubber bottom of his shoe: 28 APR 45.

“April 28th, 1945,” said Oliver coolly.

Vicki's Comments: My first thought after looking at the cover was, "What? Dragons in space?" An interesting concept but I'm guessing that's not really what the book is about. I think there is some genre confusion on the cover. I see that it's listed as a fantasy novel. Most fantasy novels don't have a space shot on the front. I would definitely rework the cover image. Having a dragon on the cover is great, but I would not put him in space, that gives the reader a Science Fiction feeling. And with both you're probably turning away Sci-fi fans who don't particularly want to read about dragons, and turning away Fantasy fans who don't particularly want to read about outer space.

The description is okay, but kind of generic. I've read a lot of fantasy blurbs about young people going on quests to save the world from some evil person destroying that world. I would like to know what's different about this book. I don't think it would take much to spice it up a bit.

I liked the beginning of the book. My only complaint? There seem to be a lot of…periods of…ellipsis. In the first 300 words there are 7 of them. That's one every 42 words. If they're that rampant in the rest of the book I'd stop reading, it would drive me crazy. That's my only complaint, and I readily admit it's a nit pick.

I think a new cover and blurb would really help this book. What do you guys think?

The New Death and others

Author: James Hutchings
Genre: Fantasy
How long it's been on sale: September 27 2011
Current price: $.99
Marketing: I've contacted around 1000 blogs asking for reviews, interviews, guest posts and/or giveaways. I've also promoted it on my own blog.
Total sold so far: 24
Link to book on Amazon: The New Death and others

Product Description:

Death gets a roommate...

An electronic Pope faces a difficult theological question...

A wicked vizier makes a terrible bargain...

44 stories. 19 poems. No sparkly vampires. There's a thin line between genius and insanity, and James Hutchings has just crossed it - but from which direction?

First 300 Words:

The God of the Poor

In the beginning of the world the gods considered all those things which did not have their own gods, to decide who would have responsibility and rulership.
"I will rule all flowers that are sky-blue in colour," said the Sky-Father.
"I will listen to the prayers of migratory birds, and you all other birds," the goddess Travel said to him. And so it went.
At last all had been divided, save for one thing.
"Who," asked the Sky-Father, "shall have dominion over the poor?"
There was an awkward silence, until the Sky-Father said,
"Come - someone must. Those with no gods will grow restless and cunning, and in time will cast us down, and we shall be gods no more."
"Not I," said blind Justice, and her stony face flashed a momentary smirk at the thought. "Why not Fame or Fortune?"
"Darling I don't think so," said the sister goddesses together.
There was a long pause. The gods shuffled their feet and avoided one another's gaze. At last a voice broke the silence.
"I will," said Death.


How the Isle of Cats Got Its Name

Death stalked the cats of Telelee.
Throughout the city there was much hiding under couches, and a yowling fear of shadows who came in the night. These shadows gathered squint-eyed kittens and cats trembling with age. Starving alley cats like leather bags filled with bones and pampered house-cats more spherical than cat-shaped, alike were taken. The shadows asked not whether a cat was tom or queen. White cats and black, tabby and orange, grey and tortoiseshell, cats that looked like their owners and cats that looked like nothing but cats, the shadows hungered for all.

Vicki's Comments: I like the cover art. I do. But I like ink drawings from the early 1900's, and this is what this book cover art reminds me of. The style makes me think this was public domain art that the author took and used for cover art. Which is great if the book was written in the early 1900's. But not so good if you're trying to sell it to people looking for new stuff. I usually advise people to stay away from public domain art. It makes people think they are looking at something written a long time ago. I would highly recommend getting a new cover.

The description is pretty anemic, however I like the end paragraph. I'd keep that. The short descriptions of the stories don't hook me. I would get help reworking those hooks, because you want those bits to really make the reader want to buy the book. You want to give enough information about the stories that the reader knows what they are getting. Death getting a roommate isn't a story. What's the hook? Where's the conflict? Is the story humorous? I want to know these things before investing my time. (Because, I throw away 99 cents all the time on crap. It's my time that really is more precious to me.)

After reading the sample, I think this collection should be selling better than it is. I liked the quirky nature of the writing. I do think this book needs some editing. For instance: "Starving alley cats like leather bags filled with bones and pampered house-cats more spherical than cat-shaped, alike were taken." This sentence reads like the leather bags were filled with bones and pampered house-cats.

The title could use some tweaking. It could be a regional thing, but I would expect to read: The New Death and Other Stories.

I would suggest a new cover, reworking the blurb, and having an editor correct the little things in the book. Now, short stories and poems don't sell like best sellers, but I do think this book should be selling better than it is. The writing is good and the ideas in the book are interesting, at least in my opinion. In fact, I just bought a copy because I want to read more. What do you guys think?

Volumes of the Silver Leaf

Author: E.W. Saloka
Genre: YA Fantasy
How long it's been on sale: 8/2011
Current price: $2.99
Marketing:The first two months I read posts from KB and other forums. Last moth I set up our author profile on Goodreads and  joined a few groups. I found a few book blogs and set up twitter and facebook profiles.
Total sold so far: Less than 10
Link to book on Amazon: Volumes of the Silver Leaf

Product Description:

Fifteen-year-old Zach Wellington has lived with his grandfather Thomas since his archaeologist father disappeared years before. Now his dad has turned up dead. A letter in his pocket says he was trapped all these years in a parallel world where magic is real--hard for Zach to believe, until a winged horse appears out of nowhere and whisks both Wellingtons away to Brandiss-Dor, the land where Zach's father died.

Zach wants to discover who murdered his father. Instead, he's pulled into a tug of war between wizards over a powerful medallion that will decide the fate of two worlds: Brandiss-Dor, and our own.

"The Far Kingdom" is the first volume of the new epic fantasy series "Volumes of the Silver Leaf." 

First 300 Words:

The sky was darkening and the clouds looked angry as they changed to deep and soulless gray.  Thunderous hoof beats echoed towards him as he raced through the forest. He was soaked down to his skin, first from sweat and then from the heavy rain which came at him in torrential sheets. The ground was thick with mud, and he almost slid into it waist deep. There was a ringing sound of clanking metal and shouts heard throughout, as he tried to stay one-step ahead of his pursuers. They were close on his heels and determined to cut him down. It had been apparent from the past months that his life was in danger. He really could not say why.

However the witch of Blackshire warned him and the wizard too, advising him to leave this place and soon. Those awful recurring dreams that kept him tormented in his sleeping hours and avoiding his would -be assassins in the waking hours, well ,it just kept him busy trying to stay alive. Several months ago, he found a tunnel, a passage hall, to pass from one realm into another. This would lead him back home and that simply was the only way. On one occasion he found the entrance and it slowly opened up, however when he moved towards it the boy had followed him. When he turned, it closed up and vanished.

Therefore, each time he tried, someone or something would stop him. Philip Wellington was determined the next time he would make it through and finally leave.

He stopped quickly, seeing several large rocks that would be easy to crawl into and take cover. Here he would secure a place to hide, if only for a little while. At least he could stay dry he thought. He felt bad wanting to leave the child behind, but was eager to go home. It had been too long already and he grew more anxious each passing day. He sometimes wished he could take the boy back with him; however, it was best this way. Someday he hoped the child would understand.

Vicki's Comments: I like the cover, but I think it can be improved. The people blend into the background, I had to look hard to figure out what exactly was depicted in the scene. I think the typography could be improved as well. The words don't seem to stand out as much as I usually see. I do think the cover gives me a "fantasy" feeling, so that's good. Showing the genre is very important on the cover.

I like the description. I might be a bit more specific at the end, what exactly are the stakes? A tug-of-war isn't very compelling. I'd like to know what might happen to our world, and what the MC can do about it.

After reading the first 300 words, I would suggest putting the novel through a critique group. The story itself is good, but some of the wording is confusing and clunky, and I think it would greatly benefit from a critique group. I also found mistakes that could be fixed by hiring an editor, such as "would -be assassins" and "well ,it just kept."

I did get curious about a few of the things I saw, so I downloaded a sample to my kindle. The book itself is rife with formatting errors. I would highly suggest hiring someone to help format the book. There are paragraphs with two spaces in between, followed by multiple paragraphs smashed together without any spaces. There are no indents, so it's hard to read without spaces between paragraphs. There are some strange things, like in the first sentence part of the word 'looked' is bold. This book is in desperate need of formatting help.

I would run the book through a critique group or find a few beta readers, hire an editor, and tweak the cover to see more sales. What do you guys think?

Thieves at Heart

Author: Tristan J. Tarwater
Genre: Fantasy / Gray Fantasy
How long it's been on sale: October 1, 2011
Current price: .99
Marketing: We had a booth (and spoke on a panel) at Seattle's GeekGirlCon in October.  We've paid for 2 online ads for Oct-Dec (1 webcomic site, 1 fantasy RPG site).  We maintain a presence on Mobile Read forums, Createspace forums, Kindle Board forums, and link to our site in the signature of all of the various forums we frequent.  We participated in a free paperback book give away on Goodreads.  We have sent out free copies to reviewers.  We're currently working on optimizing the SEO of our website.
Total sold so far: Less than 75.
Link to book on Amazon: Thieves at Heart

Product Description:

Tavera has grown up an outsider. A half-elf in a land of humans, she finds herself dragged through various jobs for other people’s benefit and used for their gain. When a thief named Derk plucks her from her latest job she expects more of the same from the cunning rogue, but instead finds direction, guidance and protection for the first time in her life. Her pa belongs to a group called The Cup of Cream, a group of elite thieves, scoundrels and other sorts who seek not only personal gain but to keep balance in the Valley. To join their ranks would please her father and give Tavera the acceptance she’s been seeking all her life. When the unthinkable happens, she is forced to wonder if the Cup sees her as just another tool their sleeve, or if they under-stand she is an individual with her own desires, whose heart beats faster with every take. When she needs them most, with they be there for her? She’s about to find out.

First 300 Words:

Chapter 1
Out of the Dregs

“Tavi, I really wish you weighed more, girl. You can never pull these things tight enough!” Prisca the Tart stood up from the bed, examining the ties of the wide belt she wore under her bust in the full length mirror. A look of disappointment came over the woman’s highly painted face as she looked over the leather cords crisscrossing her back, brown threaded through pale pink matching the dress she was wearing. Her light eyes lit upon the tiny bit of the girl reflected in the mirror, a small brown hand crawling away once it was noticed. The woman sighed and laughed, brushing out her skirts as she walked back to the bed and sat in front of the little girl, the hay and feathers settling with a rustle under her weight. “Come now, sweets, use those tiny fingers of yours and fix what you’ve done.”

“Yes, mam,” came the quiet voice, the girl’s head bowed as she went to work. Skinny legs shifted under the girl’s small frame and she scratched at her greasy dark hair, what remained of her locks barely long enough to cover one slightly pointed ear. Her hand brushed against the other ear as her hands went to Prisca’s laces. Where there was supposed to be a point was instead a straight line, pink and tender where a knife had cut the cartilage away. It still sent a shiver through Tavi when she touched it. The loss of her hair meant she couldn’t hide the telltale signs of her blood or her past and her face grew hot even now, recalling Prisca’s announcement and remedy. Lice and a shave. “Can’t have bugs hopping about when I’m on business,” Prisca had said as she shaved off the girl’s knotty black locks. 

Vicki's Comments: I like the cover. It does look like a fantasy novel to me, however the girl on the front looks very young, so I automatically assume the book is middle grade. This is probably not correct, so it might be something to look into. If most people who see the cover assume this book is for kids, it might be hindering sales. Maybe see what others say about the cover.

I found the description too wordy and confusing. I'm not sure what 'just another tool their sleeve' means. I think the description definitely needs help. I also can't tell from the description if Tavera is a child, a teenager, or a young adult. That would help pin down an audience. Most of the time if a protagonist is a child, the book is aimed toward a middle grade audience.

I might run the first part of the book through a critique group, I found some places where the wording was awkward. I think it could be improved. I also prefer a definite point of view character, and this is written in omniscient, which is an older style, and not very popular these days. It could be off-putting to readers.

My suggestion would be to rework the blurb, and get some outside opinions of the novel itself to see if a bit of tightening up could help. This might be a hard sell if it is written as an adult novel but the protagonist is a child. I might be more clear who the target audience is. What do you guys think?

Blood of the Dragon

Author: Samantha Warren
Genre: Fantasy
How long it's been on sale: 4 Months
Current price: $3.99
Marketing: Giveaways on blog & Goodreads, Twitter, Facebook, Passive Promotion (posting on forums, etc), Bookmarks, Blog
Total sold so far: 15
Link to book on Amazon: Blood of the Dragon

Product Description:

Conquered and enslaved, the dragons of Layr live in fear. Their allies are banished, declared outlaws and forced out of human society. Lana, daughter of dragon keepers, is discontented with her mundane existence at the hatchery and the sometimes violent treatment of the dragons in her care. The birth of a rare dragon, descendant of the long-defeated dragon king, will force her to step outside herself and become the hatchling's protector. With the help of her best friend Bolgor, Bellithana the Gypsy, and a Hidden named Prigol, the group seeks to bring an end to the tyranny that has reigned for more than three centuries. Can Lana and her friends bring freedom to the oppressed land? Or will the wicked Princess Slyvania destroy not only Lana's hard won maturity, but the lives of both her and her new friends as well? 

First 300 Words:

The dirt and sand along the riverbank glistened darkly in the fading light. The water held a sickly red tinge as the battle waned. Victims of the slaughter lay strewn across the blood-soaked field. Screams of pain and fear echoed through the darkening sky. An enormous red beast struggled feebly, his left wing crushed beneath his massive weight. Aron, leader of the human army, strode haughtily up to the creature and propped a plated boot on its neck.


"Sigurd, king of the dragons." The words shot from the man's mouth like venom. "How does it feel to know you have failed? All your worthless struggles, your pathetic attempts at retaining your freedom; all for naught. You're pathetic."


At that, Aron spat in the fallen king's face. Sigurd paid no attention to the man. His one remaining eye was focused on a scene across the field. He lowed hauntingly as he watched his beloved Silene being shackled, forever imprisoned by the wretched conquerors. His trusted friend and captain, Roland, lay torn at her side. Sigurd knew the man would not have allowed such an atrocity to happen had he a breath left. As it was, Silene took out half a dozen of Aron's soldiers before she was subdued, spewing their remains across her captors.


The fallen king tore his gaze from his mate and surveyed the carnage. They had fought valiantly, man and beast alike, side by side. Now they lay dying together on the field of defeat. Aron had the greater force; Sigurd knew that more than a year ago. But he would not give up. He would not surrender his people to slavery at the hands of such a tyrant. He built his army, recruiting any dragon or human who would come to his aide. He even appealed to the Hidden. But it wasn't enough.

Vicki's Comments: The cover doesn't grab me. I think it's because the whole thing is pretty much the same color which all blends together. The picture isn't gripping or interesting. I'd rather see an actual dragon or an egg that was a different color than the background. I would look for a different graphic, and I probably would chose a different font.

I think the description can be tweaked a bit. I'm not a big fan of questions at the end of a blurb. If you write the blurb well enough, the reader should be able for form their own questions. I'd cut the questions at the end, and I would also cut the first two sentences and start with "Lana..." so we get right into the character and her problem.

The first 300 words didn't do it for me. My opinion only, but I didn't like the point of view shifting. I would start in the dragon's point of view and stick with it through the whole first section. I also felt that some of the prose could be tightened up. For example, 'strode haughtily' is repetitive. The word strode tells the reader how he's walking, you don't need to weaken it by using the adverb.

I do like the idea of a story being told (at least in part) from a dragon's point of view. A lot of fantasy that I read have dragons, but they're usually just destructive. I like the way these are portrayed here. With a bit of tweaking I think this can be successful. I'm guessing the main reason it's not selling is the cover.

What do you guys think?

Blue Valley

Author: Christine Rice

Genre: Fantasy
How long it's been on sale: 3/7/11
Current price: $2.99
Total sold so far: 35
Link to book on Amazon: Blue Valley (A World War 2 Fantasy) (The Elementals)

Product Description:

At the outset of World War 2, Will Leary is sent to California to investigate an agricultural anomaly; the soil is turning blue.

The War Department suspects Japanese sabotage, but Will discovers the unwitting culprit is Sarah, the town "witch" who has the uncanny ability to read the Earth's needs.

As the destruction spreads, and the food supply is threatened, it's not long before the farming community and the government are after Sarah. Will gives up everything he knows and loves to save her, only to find the very earth beneath their feet wants her dead.

--There are books that you breeze through and those that make you think. Blue Valley  is one of those books that forces the gears in your mind to turn. A moving story with the perfect balance of details, descriptions, relationship and battle.  - Doubleshot Reviews

First 300 Words:


The baby was wrong. Wrong in ways that brought up words like “unnatural” and “abomination”. Wrong in ways that made Kat wonder if she knew anything about the world. So wrong that she touched the hugeness of her belly to make sure her own baby had not dropped out of her, inexplicably, without labor pains.

But she was both relieved and sad that the baby lying in the dirt was not hers, because as frightening as this child was to the farm’s proprietor and the twenty pickers surrounding her, she was beautiful, somehow older than a newborn, fat and well-nourished, yet coated with dirt from her birth.

Benito, elbowed through the crowd. “Get back to picking, unless you think the child can join the line.” He pointed to Kat, “You help me. You’re not much good on this line today anyways.” He pulled his knife from his pocket, and Kat knew what he meant to do.

She glanced at her husband, Alphonse, whose bin of strawberries was nearly full, such was the speed at which he picked. He stood to his full six-four, “If she was available I’d say so.”

“She’ll get her day’s pay,” Benito said, standing between Kat and Alphonse.

I don’t want her touching that thing. Not while she’s carrying my son.”

“It’s okay,” she whispered, though no one heard. They had been hearing nothing but the baby’s cries; delicate, not demanding, more for attention than nutrition, since they had dug her from the ground.

At first, they thought the cries in the distance were from coyotes in the hills, then perhaps a trick of the wind, until one of the pickers suddenly yelped, and pointed to the rows below. Peeking from the ground inside a perfect circle of soil, was a baby’s face. The rest of the its body was trapped underground.

Vicki's Comments: I like the cover. It looks professional and makes me want to know more about the book. Without reading the description or the start of the novel, the cover tells me this is a book about something wrong with an area of land, maybe something spilled there and poisoned the people. It looks like a thriller because of the typography. After reading the description I see I'm not *too* far off, but I didn't get the witch/fantasy feeling from the cover at all. I think tweaking the cover to match the genre more might be in order.

I like the description. I'm a little unsure why the earth would want Sarah dead if she's the only person who can read it's needs. (The blurb makes me think that Sarah is turning the earth blue because that's what the earth needs.) That part confuses me a little, but I'm not sure it needs to be explained in the blurb. In fact, in order to save confusion it might be best to take that part out. Other than that, I felt the description was good and hooked me into wanting to read.

The first 300 words shows me this manuscript needs editing. I saw several errors that an editor should have caught and fixed. The idea of this is interesting, why is a baby found buried in the soil? (And why wasn't that in the blurb? A live healthy and yet unnatural baby found in soil kind of trumps blue soil to me.)

In conclusion, I'm guessing the major reason this isn't selling would be the errors found in the manuscript, followed by the cover portraying a thriller aspect while the blurb tells the potential buyer it's fantasy. If these things are fixed, I would expect this book to be selling much better. It's an interesting premise.

What do you guys think?