Author: Brian Meeks
Genre: Mystery, Crime, hint of Sci-fi
How long it's been on sale: 7/30/2011
Current price: $2.99
Marketing: Twitter, FB, Blog. I had the last 5 posts before the launch all about getting people excited. Then I used Twitter, FB, and emails, to spread the word.
Total sold so far: 98
Link to book on Amazon: Henry Wood Detective Agency
Product Description:
Jan 1, 1955
Henry Wood is suffering greatly from a festive night of saying goodbye to 1954. His world is one of black and white, right and wrong, but his life is about to change and there will forever be shades of grey. An average detective, with a passion for the Brooklyn Dodgers, Henry is about to be hired by a beautiful woman, to find her father and his journal. It seems simple enough, but when a second woman appears, wanting his services, to find the same journal, he suspects he might be in over his head. He’s right. They are the least of his problems. The local mafia boss, Tommy ‘The Knife’, wants the journal too. As long as it is missing, he is vulnerable, and the other bosses smell blood in the water.
Who can Henry trust? Henry has a mysterious benefactor that he has never met, but seems to have his best interest at heart. Will Henry take the help that is offered? Does he have a choice?
First 300 Words:
It isn't the weather, or the city, or the cars passing that strike Henry. It is how, at 3 am, everything seems so black and white. It is 1955. His life is going to change and there will forever be shades of grey.
The city seems disinterested in the goings on of a single detective, wandering home after ringing in the New Year. All around there are people out, smiling, kissing, and more than a few stumbling. It is two more blocks until he reaches his apartment, alone. He has a house, but doesn't want to drive, which is why he keeps the tiny apartment. It is nice to be able to stay in the city if the need arises…or the drinks are flowing.
The life of a private detective isn't so glamorous. Most days are spent chasing deadbeats, or watching cheaters, or just sitting alone in an office wondering how one ended up here. Henry got to his place, and stumbled through the front door-not quite hitting the floor, but needing to put a hand down. He was several sheets to the wind and couldn't remember the blonde's name. The one at the bar, with the great smile and huge…
He tossed his hat in the direction of-but nowhere close to-the hat tree. He staggered to the kitchen table. There was a bottle of vodka sitting there, waiting for him. Being a thinker, Henry had placed it there before heading out to celebrate the New Year, knowing it would welcome him home if he made it back in one piece. He had forgotten a glass, so he took a small pull from the bottle. The warm glow of a New Year and the thought of the blonde's midnight kiss made him smile. He just wished he knew her name or where she had gone.
Vicki's Comments: I think the cover is really holding this book back, and I say that lovingly because this cover reminds me of the first cover I had for Not What She Seems. It was black and white too, and after comparing it with other book covers I had to admit it just didn't compare. And I wasn't getting many sales with it. I chucked it and tried again. (Which was hard to do because I designed it myself, and I liked it. But it's important to remember, our book covers aren't for ourselves. If they're not grabbing readers, it's time to move on.)
This description could be much better. I'm going to go through it and give you my opinions.
Jan 1, 1955 - You don't need this singled out, you say the year in the next sentence.
Henry Wood is suffering greatly from a festive night of saying goodbye to 1954. - This sentence doesn't seem to go with any of the rest of this. I'm not even sure what this has to do with the book. He suffers from a hangover. Why is this so important that it needs to be in the description of the entire book? The description should give the reader the main conflict and an overview of the plot. This seems disjointed and sort of stuck in here.
His world is one of black and white, right and wrong, but his life is about to change and there will forever be shades of grey. - This is too vague for a description. The reader doesn't know what this means. This sounds like someone asked to help with an assisted suicide. This doesn't give the reader a reason to read this book.
An average detective, with a passion for the Brooklyn Dodgers, Henry is about to be hired by a beautiful woman, to find her father and his journal. - I get the impression his passion for the Brooklyn Dodgers isn't important enough to be in the description. You only have a few characters to grab the reader's attention, so make them count. The fact that he's a detective is much more important to the plot than his love for the Dodgers. And I wouldn't say 'about to be,' it sounds funny in a description.
It seems simple enough, but when a second woman appears, wanting his services, to find the same journal, he suspects he might be in over his head. He’s right. They are the least of his problems. The local mafia boss, Tommy ‘The Knife’, wants the journal too. - This part is good. You're getting to the important stuff. Maybe a little tweaking and you're good.
As long as it is missing, he is vulnerable, and the other bosses smell blood in the water.
Who can Henry trust? Henry has a mysterious benefactor that he has never met, but seems to have his best interest at heart. Will Henry take the help that is offered? Does he have a choice? - Personally, I don't think you need all of this stuff. The major conflict here is that several people want the journal, and Henry is in the middle of it. This stuff just draws the description out too long, IMHO. I think I would just end with something like: Henry must find the journal and figure out who to trust before it is too late.
The actual text of the book needs work. First we start in Henry's point of view, then we jump out of it and we're in an omniscient point of view, then we're in Henry's point of view in present tense, but then we jump into past tense. I would suggest hiring an editor or joining a critique group. As for the story, there's no real action going on right here. That isn't to say there isn't action coming soon, however, starting with an inebriated detective doesn't grab me. But I will admit it took me a few pages to get into Hunger Games and I really liked that book so a slow start isn't always the kiss of death.
I'm guessing the main reason for the slow sales is the cover image. That change alone should help. What do you guys think?
This is a hard-boiled detective story, right? The cover is so hard-boiled it's lost all its flavor. :) You might want to get some professional help.
ReplyDeleteThe blurb needs severe tightening. Lose the dateline. Having your hero "about to be" anything isn't a good idea either in writing or blurbs. "Little does he know!" styles of writing don't work. Don't ask questions in your blurb.
The writing could use some tightening too, but it's not horrendous.
You obviously have a story. There's definitely a readership out there for hard-boiled detective stories--98 sales at this point is fantastic, really--but my feeling is they're expecting something more compact than this, both in the writing and especially the blurb.
Start with your cover and work out from there. Good luck!
The cover doesn't bother me.
ReplyDeleteThe description doesn't work for me.
Hi Vicky,
ReplyDeleteI noticed there were few comments for this novel yet and I just wanted to tell Brian Meeks that everyone respects your "right on" comments and suggestions so much that there is little to add.
It is clear that the black and white cover is meant to reflect protagonist Henry Wood's nature and even the different shades and the dividing lines work toward that effect; but there is a huge space between the words Detective Agency and the author attribution at the bottom. It calls for a design, a picture, or some small splash of color (too obviously red, so go with orange or yellow or lime green or ... something unexpected.) The human eye loves color.
I would also add that 98 sales isn't a bad start! Best of luck.
Gail Baugniet
Great suggestions. I appreciate all the help. I didn't much like the blurb I wrote either. I should probably read a bunch of blurbs and then give it another go.
ReplyDeleteI suck at visual stuff, but something about design reminds me of the old fashion black and white detective show, with the detective's name stencilled into the front.
ReplyDeleteI'm reading too much into this cover, I know, but that's why I'm liking it :D Then again, I might like it more if it was the actual door with frosting LOL
The cover is so film noir and I love it for that reason. But, the text is barely readable and there's nothing interesting about it. Nothing to catch the eye. Perhaps a Monroe type image on the cover would help. Look at the Mickey Spillane covers. You can still have B&W, but add color with the font.
ReplyDeleteOf course, you also got me with the mention of my beloved Bums, but that's a personal manner.
The blurb started out really well but then ended up too long. I think the last paragraph can be left out.
I like the beginning, too. So typically mid-century.
You've gotten a good start with 98 copies in two months. Hopefully, you have another one in the works. A series like this can really take off.
I actually like the cover, but it's a bit hard to tell in the format that it's presented. I like the B&W because it evokes the feeling of the old detective shows, and feels stylish at the same time. Perhaps the cover could be redone, but in keeping with the same feel? If it were me, I'd add a gun or something below "Detective Agency" to punch up the cover and add a little visual interest. I'd also make the author's name a lot bigger.
ReplyDeleteThe blurb is too long, and could be tightened up considerably. I do like the tone it brings, and the setting. I think you've got the noir feel down, but it needs some trimming.
Keeping the correct tense can be hard sometimes. It feels natural to switch from present to past tense at times. It's something you need to watch carefully. One mistake can throw a reader right out of the story.
I don't read noir fic, but I actually think you're on the right track. It need some clean up, but the writing isn't bad, and really calls to mind that period of time.
Cover - Sorry, but it looks like a default selection from a cover gallery, not an intentionally designed cover at all. It doesn't catch my eye at all.
ReplyDeleteDescription - Too many hooks, too many characters. You need to refocus on Henry and more of the action of the book. Is he a smart detective? A dim brawler? A lady's man? I have no idea what sort of detective story I'm getting into here.
Opening - I like the voice and I think it has a lot of potential, but it feels almost like a Chandler pastiche instead of an original book.
Other - 98 sales in two months is a great start, though I see from your sales rank that you haven't had any sales lately. You have good reviews. Get a snazzier cover and think about lowering your price for a while. And publish a sequel as soon as you can!
Krista D Ball,
ReplyDeleteWhen I did the cover, I based it on the work of several of my favorite Art Deco designers. I chose the B&W because I imagine the 50's being in black and white. It was a nod to that era and the films I still love.
In truth, I like your idea about a door with frosting on it. That is a good suggestion. Thanks.
I had thought I might keep the basic cover and add more, changing from B&W to other two tone colors as I move through the series. Of course, the final book (Likely 5) would be in Dodger blue. Now though, it seems that there is enough opposition to the cover, that I may need to reconsider. I'm glad you liked it though. :-)
Thanks,
Brian
Margaret,
ReplyDeleteI actually struggled with several different type styles. You may be right, I might have chosen poorly. I appreciate the feedback.
I am in agreement with EVERYONE who says the blurb is dreadful. I found writing the entire 50K words easier than the stupid blurb. Writing the blurb seemed like bragging or something, which is just stupid. It is important, but for some reason it made me really uncomfortable and thus, it stinks.
I will definitely be working on a new one.
Thanks,
Brian
Carl,
ReplyDeleteI think that the comments people have made are valid, though the cover does look a bit different on the print version. https://plus.google.com/116061117763797622731/posts?hl=en
Thanks for taking the time to help me out. I agree with those who gave the blurb a thumbs down. I'm going to work on it.
Joseph,
ReplyDeleteYou make a number of valid points. The last bit of advice is the most important. And I have, quite unforgivably, done a horrible job in publishing the sequel in a timely fashion. Not only have I finished the 2nd book (69K words), but the 3rd as well (76K) and am 40% of the way through the 4th.
I need to stop writing and start editing. You have reminded me of this and I appreciate it.
One thing that bothers me is that you seem to be hammering home the theme that your main character sees in black and white and is going to get a shock when he discovers the world has shades of gray. I think that is a marvelous theme; however, I don't think you should use that as a selling point for your book. (And I say this as a fellow writer with a *very* bad habit of doing the same thing myself!) The potential readers don't want to be struck over the head with the idea that 'this book has a message'. No, they want the action. They want to know more about how Henry tangles with "The Knife". Don't let your theme take center stage here. Sell your conflict, your setting, your unique character, but not your theme.
ReplyDeleteActually, this looks like a pretty good book! And, maybe it's just me, but 98 copies since the end of July doesn't sound very bad.
Brian - wow! I wasn't reading too much into the cover after all. That's a first. But, seriously, I love the B&W look and the 50s nod. For me, that appeals to me. It's that blurb that's killing me, man.
ReplyDeleteMichelle,
ReplyDeleteI hadn't thought about your first point. It is a good one. I am in agreement with everyone that the blurb is horrible and I'm going to work on it tonight or tomorrow (likely tomorrow, work wiped me out today).
On another note, someone who read all of the discussion here, sent me a tweet and said they had bought a print edition of Henry. So thanks everyone for helping get a sale.
Brian
Krista,
ReplyDeleteI am going to write a new blurb...one won't kill you or cause you harm in any way. :-)
Brian
Brian, don't feel bad about your blurb. It is really hard to write your own blurb. I don't like mine at all. :P
ReplyDeleteI actually really like the cover. I also like the premise. What jars with me is the first 3 sentences starting with "It." Too much telling and no showing. With a little tweaking, I think this might be a good book...and yes, it is really tough to write your own blurb.
ReplyDeleteAs most issues have been mentioned, the only thing I can offer is that the very first sentence doesn't read right to me: "It isn't the weather, or the city, or the cars passing that strike Henry." The way it's written made me think that one of the elements, 'weather', 'city' or 'cars' want to physically strike Henry! That would put me off reading further I'm afraid.
ReplyDeleteJenny,
ReplyDeleteThanks for your thoughts. I should probably read any future blurbs out loud. Had I done so, I would have noticed the 'it' problem.
Brian
Shaun,
ReplyDeleteIt is okay that you don't care for my writing. :-) I still appreciate you taking the time to add your comments to the discussion. Each person's unique perspective is helpful.
Brian