Thursday, August 16, 2012
Author: Jennifer Ceballos
How long it's been on sale: May, 2012
Current price: $3.99
Marketing: Marketing on facebook...business cards, and word of mouth
Total sold so far: 3 the first month
Link to book on Amazon: Black Rose
"Anne begins to feel an unusual connection towards David the dashingly handsome doctor that took care of her Mom while she was still alive….her life takes a turn when she begins to have unusual dreams--Anne can’t seem to gather anything from these dreams but when David starts coming around they start to become clearer….Will Anne ever figure out why David has a strange effect on her or will Anne begin to feel like she will go crazy at any moment?
First 300 Words:
“Higher Mommy!” The wind flew through my hair as I swung on my newly made rope swing I could feel my cheeks turn red with excitement. Daddy said it was dangerous for a seven year old to be swinging on a homemade swing, but Mommy came back with, ‘it’s all part of a child’s life to make home made things as parents we shouldn’t interfere with a growing free spirit, and making a homemade swing is all part of little Anne’s spirit.’
“My little Anne any higher and you’ll be touching the heavens!” I giggled in response to that.
“I can’t touch the heavens Mommy, I’m still alive!”
“That’s right sweetie!” Mommy grabbed me before I swung forward.
I could hear Mommy laughing, “You are so smart my little one.”
Before I knew it I was in her arms as her long black hair brushed my cheek, I could smell the sweet fragrance of flowers.
“I’m smart like you Mommy.” as we hugged I planted a kiss on her soft cheek.
“You are smart just like Mommy.” I smiled, I was so happy.
“Are you ready to get back on the swing my little Anne?”
“Yes Mommy!” I was giggling as Mommy put me back on the swing—I waited for her to push me, but there was nothing.
“Mommy?” I turned around and I saw her laying on the ground she wasn’t moving—I quickly got off the swing and knelt down next to her. Her face looked pale a little sweat was gathering on her forehead—I brushed my hand across her cheek it felt warm to the touch I didn’t know if that was normal or not.
“Mommy?” Her eye’s opened a little.
“Go get Daddy sweetie.” Her voice sounded hoarse and I began to feel scared.
Comments: The cover needs some love. The word "Black" is very hard to read. Also, the author's name is difficult to see. I do like some of the things going on with the type, especially the author's name spaced out like that. I think that looks nice, but it's too hard to see, in my opinion. I don't think the black/gray scale concept is working. It also doesn't communicate the genre at all.
I'm not sure why the description has quote marks around it. That's a little distracting to me. I'd cut them. The description itself confuses me and needs editing. The whole thing is one long run-on sentence. Writing a good blurb is difficult. I always have trouble with it. I suggest getting help from other writers. Many times others can really help pin down what the most important things are about your book, and can help write them in a concise and interesting way.
The writing needs some work. I would highly suggest hiring an editor. There are many issues that need fixing. Unfortunately, this book just isn't ready for publication yet. But no worries, with some help, these things can be fixed. I would suggest joining a critique group. www.critiquecircle.com is an online critique group, and it really helped me hone my writing skills.
It can be difficult to hear that your book needs work. I understand, it's happened to me. But don't give up. It's not the end of the world. Anything can be fixed. It will take some work, but I'm sure the story here is worth it. It's just a diamond in the rough right now. Take the time to make it shine, and you'll be much more successful.
What do you guys think?