Three for Avadar

Author: Steven R. Drennon
Genre: Fantasy
How long it's been on sale: June 5, 2011
Current price: $2.99
Marketing: Gave away 75 copies on LibraryThing to generate reviews, participated on a blog tour for the past six or seven weeks in row
Total sold so far: 11
Link to book on Amazon: Three for Avadar


Product Description:

The cry came from directly ahead, where the road began to curve to the left. It was the unmistakable cry of a woman in distress, and as Bengar spurred his horse forward, he began to detect other sounds as well.

Accompanying the piercing screams of the woman he could now hear the distinct clashing of swords in combat, and that sound alone made his heart pound with excitement. This solitary soldier of fortune had travelled many days through this desolate forest, and his body ached from the weary ride. Now at last he would find a task at hand that was worthy of him, and which just might provide a reward as well.

As he rounded the curve in the road, he pulled up on the reins of his coal black steed, taking a brief moment to survey the scene before him. Directly ahead it appeared as if a number of bandits had set upon a small travelling party that was passing through the woods. At least seven men on foot were attacking two horsed soldiers who were struggling to defend their female companion.


And so begins the adventures of three separate travelers:

A princess trying to find her way back home, while finding herself along the way.
A sorceress trying to retrieve a sacred crystal that was secreted away by her father before he was murdered.
A warrior seeking to avenge the death of his family, who finds himself sidelined by two very different, yet very attractive women.

Drawn together by chance, all destined for one place . . . Avadar!


What previous readers have said about "Three for Avadar":

"Three for Avadar was a great read and fast paced story."

"I loved reading this story. It has a blend of romance, heroism, sorcery and more all in one. I was grabbed by the first of this story to the end."

"Three for Avadar by Steven R. Drennon is a fast-paced, action-packed adventure"

"I would recommend this book to anyone that enjoys fantasy stories with tons of action and magic."

"While I’m actually not a huge fan of epic fantasy, this book, in my honest opinion, had me turning pages one chapter after another."

"The first quality the reader notices about this novel-the action starts immediately. This theme recurs throughout the book, the reader is never bored."

First 300 Words:

The cry came from directly ahead, where the road began to curve to the left. It was the unmistakable cry of a woman in distress, and as Bengar spurred his horse forward, he began to detect other sounds as well.

Accompanying the piercing screams of the woman he could now hear the distinct clashing of swords in combat, and that sound alone made his heart pound with excitement. This solitary soldier of fortune had travelled many days through this desolate forest, and his body ached from the weary ride. Now at last he would find a task at hand that was worthy of him, and which just might provide a reward as well.

As he rounded the curve in the road, he pulled up on the reins of his coal black steed, taking a brief moment to survey the scene before him. Directly ahead it appeared as if a number of bandits had set upon a small travelling party that was passing through the woods. At least seven men on foot were attacking two horsed soldiers who were struggling to defend their female companion.

The two soldiers were wearing heavy chain mail with simple, black cloth draped over it. They did not appear to be part of any particular army that Bengar recognized, but it was obvious that they were skilled with the sword, based on the showing they made for themselves against the attacking bandits. As for the lady, she was wearing an emerald green riding gown that seemed to spill over the rear of her horse. The lady’s auburn hair was flying freely as she struggled desperately with the reins, trying to avoid being pulled from her horse by two other thugs.

Vicki's Comments: I like the cover. My only complaint would be it's all monochromatic and the sword, crown, and scepter aren't as clear as I might like. Especially the crown, it gets lost. But it does give me a 'fantasy' vibe, so I think it does it's job. And I do like the font.

The description starts with a sample. Sorry, I think that's a bad idea. When I see a book cover that catches my attention, I click to see what the book is about. When I look at your description it's a HUGE wall of text and I get turned off right there. But if I can get past the wall of text to start reading the description, I find that it's not a description, but the beginning of the novel. Or a piece from the middle, I can't tell. If I wanted to read a sample, I would grab a sample. But I don't know a thing about the book other than the genre. I don't want to read a sample, I want to know what the book is about. Cut the sample from the description.

But lets look past the sample for a second. Don't worry, we'll come back to it. The real description starts with: "A princess trying to find her way back home, while finding herself along the way." - I'd like to know what happened to the princess. Did she get sucked up by a tornado, like Dorothy? Or did she fall into another dimension? What took her away from her home? I want to know this before I commit to picking up the book. Just the fact that she's trying to get home doesn't do it for me.

"A sorceress trying to retrieve a sacred crystal that was secreted away by her father before he was murdered." - Again, I don't have enough information for this to be a hook for me. What's at stake? Why is this sacred crystal so important?

"A warrior seeking to avenge the death of his family, who finds himself sidelined by two very different, yet very attractive women." - This makes the warrior sound bitter. Like he holds a grudge and wants to kill those that were responsible for the death of his family. I don't know if the character is bitter or not, but this makes me not like him.

The description ends with quotes. I never trust reviews put in by the author. At best it looks like quotes from friends or family, at worst it's just made up stuff. I would let readers leave reviews through the Amazon system. Some readers want to check out the reviews. Others don't care. Don't force reviews on them through the description feature.

The story itself starts with action, so I'll give you props for that. There's a little bit of of the prose that I would tighten up. For instance, "Accompanying the piercing screams of the woman he could now hear the distinct clashing of swords in combat," - There's no reason to put 'he could now hear.' The scene is written in his point of view. Everything you describe he is hearing and seeing. There's also no need to clarify the clashing of swords was in combat. Would there be a reason to hear clashing of swords other than combat? I also think stopping to describe the flowing gown of the girl during the combat scene is slowing it down. He wants to help. He comes around the corner and starts describing what the girl is wearing? I don't buy it. The last thing on his mind would be the way the gown spilled over the rear of the horse.

After looking at the entire picture here, I'm guessing the description is hurting sales the most. I would tighten up the beginning of the book and maybe try playing with the price a little bit. Sometimes a slightly higher price works better for high fantasy, but a price cut might help jump-start some sales too. I would experiment a bit to see where the best price for your book is.

What do you guys think?