Priscilla the Great

Author: Sybil Nelson
Genre: Middle Grade
How long it's been on sale: 6 months
Current price: Free
Marketing: 2 blog tours, twitter account, facebook fanpage, newsletter, speaking engagements at schools and libraries, contests, giveaways, Kindle Nation Daily, Pixel of Ink, Daily Cheapreads
Total sold so far: 172
Link to book on Amazon: Priscilla the Great

Product Description:

Meet Priscilla Sumner, an ordinary seventh grader with extraordinary gifts. As if middle school isn’t hard enough, not only does Priscilla have to fight pimples and bullies, but genetically enhanced assassins trying to kill her and her family. Armed with wit, strength, and a genius best friend, Priscilla must defeat the Selliwood Institute, an organization dead set on turning children into killing machines.

Add an older brother annoyingly obsessed with Christina Aguilera, mischievous baby twin brothers who could scare the sin off of Satan, and parents more puzzling than a Rubik’s cube in the Bermuda triangle and expect a smoking page-turner!

This award-winning novel is currently being pitched to Disney, ABC Family, and Nickelodeon as a major motion picture. 

First 300 Words:

Chapter 1

Captured!

I awoke tied to a chair. My eyes felt glued shut. I struggled to pry my eyelids apart. Once open, I shut them again as quickly as possible. A ridiculously bright and obnoxious light glared in my eyes, totally super-sizing my already painful headache.

“Holy hot dogs!” I said, borrowing my best friend’s catch phrase.

“Good morning, Priscilla. Welcome back,” an eerie voice said from … from everywhere. The deep, sinister voice surrounded me as if it poured out of the walls. I recognized that voice. I knew that man was evil!

“Good morning? I don’t see what’s so good about it. My head is killing me and that light you’re shining in my face makes me want to dig my eyes out with a spoon!” I yelled into space.

“Sorry about that, Priscilla. We were trying to revive you. You’ve been out for a number of hours.” The light faded away, allowing me to open my eyes fully without performing spoon surgery. There wasn’t much to see. I sat in a stainless steel chair in the center of an otherwise empty stainless steel room.

The walls were smooth and cold-looking. Even the chair felt cold. I shifted in my seat, trying to warm up my butt cheeks.

“What do you want from me?” I asked, trying to hide the desperation in my voice. I mean, I was really scared. I’d been kidnapped. Really kidnapped. I wondered if they’d done that Amber Alert thing for me.

“You’ll find out soon enough.”

And then silence.

A few minutes later, a huge dude with an even huger gun walked into the room from a door I hadn’t even noticed was there. It was almost like he’d melted through the wall.

Vicki's Comments: Even though this is free and "selling" quite well right now, I'll go ahead and leave my comments on this as if it weren't free.

I like the cover. I think it works well for middle grade. There are a few things going on with the notebook paper behind her that might be distracting, but I don't think it's an issue. I'd give this cover an A.

I like the description, but I think it can be improved. The description implies that Priscilla has magical powers but they aren't explained. That's one of the biggest selling points, IMHO, so I would make it clear if she can in fact make fire come out of her fingers, as the picture on the book implies. I also would make it more clear what the story is about. When Priscilla does X, then Y and Z happens, rather than tell what her family life is like, if that makes sense. I want to know what the conflict of this book is, and what happens.

The actual writing is good, although it's a bit dramatic, but I honestly haven't read middle grade books since I was in middle grade so it might be in line with that genre. I think the story starts with a bang and it does hook me and make me want to read more.

I did notice this book shows that it normally is priced $3.99. That might be an issue for a middle grade book which is generally shorter than full length novels. Once it's not free, I suggest pricing a bit lower, and then making sure the description tells what Priscilla can do that is magical.

What do you guys think?

The Fifth Specter

Author: T.S. Welti

How long it's been for sale: 5 days

Total sold so far: 4

Click this to see it on Amazon.

Product Description:

When thirteen-year-old Parker Chance stumbles upon a photograph of his dead birth mother he has no idea this mysterious picture will lead him to a land where the Law of Fives is never wrong....

Thirteen-year-old Parker Chance has endured years of ridicule at the hands of his adoptive family on account of his frequent “hallucinations”—until he finally decides to run away. His escape through the forest doesn’t quite go as planned when Parker’s life is saved by a stranger who claims to have the power to control electricity. The man uses this power to zap Parker into a tiny village buried in the mountains of Northern California.

The village of Stonyford Hollow is home to a species of humans who have evolved superhuman traits. Pieces of Parker’s troubled past begin to click into place when he discovers he is one of them.

Parker begins attending Knobhouse Academy where he learns he is one of five Specters in the universe with the power to travel by portal. As usual, Parker flouts the rules with a little harmless portal-hopping, but it all goes awry when he discovers someone wants to use his power to break a notorious scientist out of prison—the same crackpot responsible for his birth mother's disappearance. Though Parker has been warned to put the mysterious circumstances of his mother’s disappearance behind him, he and his new friends are too curious for their own good.

"I didn't want it to end."
- Cristina Elberson, Reader

"Once I started reading this book, I couldn't put it down. Unraveling the mysteries that were unfolding in young Parker's life compelled me to keep turning those pages. This book was completely enjoyable. I am, seriously, looking forward to this writer's next book."
- Laura Fagundes, Reader

First 300 words:

The rumor that parents who adopt their children love their children more has been greatly exaggerated. When Clarence and Victoria Rooney adopted eleven-month-old Parker Chance, they didn’t do so out of love. 

 Parker learned this when he was just four years old and dreadful Tommy Nichols called Parker a “’tinky adoption baby” for having a different last name than the Rooneys. His adoptive parents never bothered to change Parker’s last name to Rooney. “Too much paperwork,” Clarence muttered when Parker asked him about it. When Parker was eight, Clarence and Victoria Rooney couldn’t even be bothered to attend the school board meeting where Parker was expelled from public school permanently.

Two years after being booted out of public school, ten-year-old Parker was now sitting quietly at the kitchen table with a bag of crayon nubs drawing superheroes in his composition book. He was waiting for his private teacher, Miss Mopkiss, who was late for their daily lesson—as usual. 

Vicki's Comments: Why isn't this selling? Well, for starters, it's only been for sale for five days. You may have come at this with unrealistic expectations. I only sold seven copies my first month. I know many more authors who would have loved to sell four books in their first five days out. When I first published, I had the goal of selling one book a day. After that was easy, I increased my goal to three books a day. I think if you start out with more realistic goals, you won't be so discouraged.

However, I'm sure you came for more of a critique of your book, so I'll take a stab at it. The cover looks good for a middle grade novel, except the title and author names are hard to make out in thumbnail size. It also might be a little hard to figure out what the characters are doing. It does give me the 'fantasy' vibe, though, so I think you're doing something right there.

Middle grade is a tough sell to adults. You mentioned you've been hitting the social media circuits hard. It's probably adults you're talking to, no? If you've only been at this for five days, it takes time to build up connections in social media. I sure hope you're not out there spamming all the message boards with links to your book. That won't work. You have to chat and get to know people. That takes much longer than five days.

Blurb: I would work on your blurb. You repeat thirteen-year-old Parker Chance, which gives me the impression your writing will be clunky. Also, I feel like the description is too long. It should hook the reader and give them the desire to read more, not outline the whole plot of the book.

Sample: Your book starts out with a lot of telling. You're telling the reader about adopted kids. Then you're telling the reader that Chance had a troubled childhood. I would try to start with action, to draw the reader in. And I don't mean you have to start with someone chasing Chance, but start with showing the reader his troubled childhood instead of telling it.

And of course, as always, these are just my thoughts and impressions as I am looking at your book. Take it with a grain of salt.

Now your turn, everyone. Why do you think this book isn't selling?