Shadowlawn

Author: Joseph M. Horodyski
Genre: Horror
How long it's been on sale: May 19, 2012
Current price: $9.99
Marketing: Unknown
Total sold so far: 2
Link to book on Amazon: Shadowlawn

Product Description:

There was a secret once kept by the Catholic Church, one long since lost. Before the dawn of modern civilization, mankind worshipped a different set of gods - darker and more primal. It was around these that early man built a whole system of worship and service. It was a time when every dark night brought with it the fear of death and unspeakable danger lurking in every dim recess. With the coming of the world's great religions these gods were pushed aside and forgotten, relegated to the province of myth or of dimly remembered tales told around campfires. While the human race has long forgotten its association with these beings, they have never forgotten us. The doorway is now open - and man is totally unprepared for what is about to come through.

On a lonely windswept isle off the coast of Massachusetts, a group of eight individuals gather one weekend to assess the state of a long disused manor, Shadowlawn, now up for sale. In so doing they accidentally unleash a string of events that paves the way for the return of these beings.  From musty secret passages to dark unholy chapels,  from bone-filled catacombs and lonely windswept sand-duned beaches to a gut-wrenching climax played out in a dank and disused lighthouse, these eight disparate individuals are about to fight mankind's final battle against the ultimate, unspeakable evil. With the help of a benevolent spirit trapped on the island, the secrets of Shadowlawn are laid bare one by one until they finally see the light of day - a day that will ultimately end in either humanity's salvation, or its eternal damnation.

First 300 Words:

If you should happen to find yourself driving up the coast from Boston a short way and come to town of Ipswich on old Rte. 133, and have a little time to spare, take Argyll Rd. that leads east from the town to the Atlantic coast about 6 or 7 miles. Once you hit the water park your car and take a look at the vista before you. To your left, across the bay, you'll see Plum Island State Park, one of the most popular bird sanctuaries and nature reserves on the eastern seaboard, and one made almost entirely of shifting sand dunes and tall saw grass. To your right, the rocky coast that seems to stretch out into the Atlantic like a thumb pointing the way, is Cape Ann, a tourist's and artist's haven, attracting people from all across the globe each summer. That little town off in the distance is Pigeon Cove, at the very end of the Cape. The other side of the Cape shelters such well knew locations as Gloucester and Rockport.

But turn your attention to the peninsula you're on. The very end of it is known as Castle Neck, probably named from an old fort or other defensive structure that used to guard the harbor in colonial days. Look a little closer across the windswept bay to a small spit of land about a mile or two out in the bay. That's known as Seaview Island. If you happened to have a handy set of binoculars on you, you could just about make out a cluster of buildings on the island, but not well enough to see any of the features or architecture that you could appreciate.

Seaview Island was uninhabited through much of its history, until about 1880 when the fledgling Coast guard put up an eighty foot tall lighthouse on one end as a precaution against sailing vessel from coming to close to the rocky coast, especially if a gale or strong nor'easter was blowing in from the Atlantic. About two miles long and only a mile in width, the lighthouse stood on a rocky promontory at the northern end of the island and beamed its welcoming light seaward for over a century. The middle of the island was rocky, hilly, and heavily wooded, not much good for growing things. The southern end of the island was mostly sand and dunes that the winds would play with and form into an ever-changing array of shapes and patterns, the result of eons of ocean waves and currents smashing onto the island, reducing it at that point to fine particles of cream-colored sand.

The lighthouse stood alone until 1905 when it was joined by a 40-room stone structure of arched roofs, turrets, gables, widow's walks known collectively as Shadowlawn Terrace, or just Shadowlawn, as it quickly became known to the locals. Shadowlawn was the brainchild of millionaire inventor Nathaniel Hammond III, who made his fortune in hundreds of patents during that technological boom that took place around the turn of the century when even electricity was a mysterious force to be reckoned with. He had it built to his own specifications with the structure and furnishing imported stone by stone from the best castle ruins scattered across Europe, and included a family mausoleum, an indoor aviary, fountains, arched walkways, and spring fed pool. Hammond meant it to be the future home of his family for generations to come, but his time spent there was neither happy nor brief. Expecting his first child of the latest Hammond generation, he and his pregnant wife went down on the Titanic in 1912 returning from a European vacation and both were lost.

Comments: I like the lighthouse picture. Unfortunately, it doesn't say "Horror" to me at all. The stormy clouds maybe hint at it, but I think the cover needs more to make it look like a horror novel. I want to see some blood on it. Or a dead body. Or a weapon. Something scary. The lighthouse kind of looks peaceful, you know? I'd also suggest a different font. I'm not a big fan of the current one. I'd also get rid of the "A Classic Tale of Modern Horror." This is what the picture on the cover should show. I'd go look at some other horror novels and see what's on the cover, and study how the cover shows the genre. (And don't look at the popular authors, because the name alone will tell the genre. Study some unknown author covers, ones that are selling well.)

The description needs some scissors taken to it. I actually think the first paragraph can be cut altogether. It's all back story. You don't need it in the description. The second paragraph is much better, but can be trimmed up too. I like some of the things in there, I would just edit it to get to the good stuff. If a description is overly wordy, I always assume the book will be as well. Don't give your readers the impression the book needs a pair of scissors. Trim up that description and the book will be much more appealing. I'd also like to know who the main character is.

The beginning of the novel didn't grab me. It was all back story. Things like this are great for the author to know, but I would chop off all the back story from the beginning, and start where the story actually starts. I also see some editing issues, and some wordiness. I might suggest hiring an editor to help with those issues. (Example: Once you hit the water park your car...)

One last thing. $9.99 for the ebook? I wouldn't expect people to pay that much for an unknown author. Lower the price to $3.99 to $2.99 range.

What do you guys think?

Martuk ... The Holy

Author: Jonathan Winn
Genre: Horror
How long it's been on sale: March 6, 2012
Current price: $2.99
Marketing: Two free book promotions. Goodreads, Twitter, Facebook, author interviews and giveaways on various blogs.
Total sold so far: 31
Link to book on Amazon: Martuk ... The Holy

Product Description:

What readers are saying:

"a story that leaves the reader in awe of its scope" ★★★★★

"a fascinating, well-written tale by an accomplished author" ★★★★★

"the new master of a genre he is making his own" ★★★★★

"Holy takes on a whole new meaning" ★★★★★

"an extremely vivid, dangerous world" ★★★★★

"seamless ... flawless" ★★★★★     

Martuk ... The Holy

In a crowded Left Bank cafe, an immortal man sits, the phantoms crawling near, the heat of their whispers stinging his cheek ...

and Martuk ... The Holy begins.

One thousand years before the birth of Christ, a golden god damns Martuk with a kiss. In a land ruled by a wounded king, life everlasting steals his mortality from the bottom of a golden cup. Finally, generations later, a Messiah who has the power to heal breaks under the weight of Martuk's demons, stumbling to his death defeated by darkness.

From his home in modern Paris, he writes, his memories lush, his words evocative. Revisiting his impossible life, he vents his rage and shares his loneliness. From bloody battles with a demon he cannot escape to the ghost of a beauty who haunts him still, this is his story.

This is Martuk ... The Holy.

First 300 Words:

Chapter One

They had found me.

Even amidst the raucous crowd of this Left Bank cafe, I could feel them near.  No longer content to hover outside tap, tap, tapping on the window, they've slipped past the door and now approached like a tortured breeze, the heady scent of all this flesh delighting their senses.

A woman nearby tossed her hair, the auburn locks dazzling in the glow of the cavernous room.  Dressed in black, the scarf knotted at her throat a silken burst of yellows and oranges and blues, she sipped wine from a glass.

It was red.

The leather purse at her feet.

Red.

And the glimmering stain on her smiling lips.

Red.

All red.

... bargaining with blood ... innocent blood, came the whisper, the phantom breath hot on my cheek.

Yes, they had found me.

They spread like shadows, these voices.  Sliding around tables.  Slipping over chairs.  Wrapping themselves in the Living.  Their laughter, their tears, their disappointment and dread, all precious succor for these restless ghosts.

Flesh and bone ... these tender bones, breathed another.

Nearby a young couple burst into laughter, doubling over at their shared joke, their bodies shaking, their shoulders trembling.

Little piles of dust ...

"Please, stop," the woman begged her handsome companion.

... bones in the stones ...

"You're killing me!" she gasped, giggling, tears staining her cheeks.

There is no God living here ...

An old man watched me from his table in the corner, his coffee steaming before him, untouched.

... hurt him, hurt him, hurt him, a demon mumbled, the voice low.

He nodded.

The End of All, another chimed in, the words staining the back of my neck like a fever before sliding down my spine.

"It's true," a man lied, taking a long swallow of beer, …

Comments: The cover is confusing to me. It does have a kind of horror vibe, but I can't really tell what it is. I do see a cross, but that confuses me too. Especially with "Holy" in the name, and a cross on the front, it makes me wonder if this is a religious book. But it doesn't look like a religious book, because it's dark and there's red blobs on it. I'm not sure what the red is supposed to represent. I'd like the cover to not be so obscure. It's too difficult to tell what it is.

The product description starts with review snips. I dislike that. When I click to read a description, I want a description of the book. I don't want reviews. No offense, but an author can write whatever they want up there. I don't want to know what the author thinks looks good to say about their book. I want to know what the darn book is about. I scroll down and ignore the review snips, but with a slight chip on my shoulder. I already don't like the book because the author made me scroll down.

The beginning of the description confuses me. I don't get why an immortal man is sitting in a cafe, phantoms crawling near, whispering on his cheeks. I just get confused. I'm also confused by the rest of the description. Why does a kiss damn Martuk? And who is Martuk? Is he the immortal man? What does the birth of Christ have to do with any of this? The description is too confusing.

The beginning of the novel is very literary. I'm not getting a "Genre Fiction" feeling at all from the text. It's almost like a poem instead of prose. I don't think this novel will work well in the 'Horror' genre. This should be marketed as a literary piece, IMHO.

I would definitely get a different cover. Make it more literary looking. The description should give the literary feeling also. I would market this to a whole different set of people.

What do you guys think?

EUROPA

Authors: Nicholas Faraday & Heidi Fuqua
Genre: Science Fiction / Horror
How long it's been on sale: July 31, 2011
Current price: $3.49
Marketing: Facebooked, twittered, changed price points ($4.99, $2.99, $3.49, reduced price to .99 and was featured on Michael Gallagher's blog
Total sold so far: 50
Link to book on Amazon: EUROPA

Product Description: 

By the year 2123 climate change has decimated the Earth's most precious resource, her oceans. Worldwide droughts have created massive deserts where lush countryside once existed. The seas have turned toxic and the polar caps have disappeared. With its habitat quickly shrinking, humanity needs a silver bullet. Ten teams have been dispatched to Jupiter's sixth moon, Europa, and are tasked with retrieving a micro-organism known as Archaelleonous from the frozen moon's sub-ice liquid ocean. This precious resource is believed to be the key to restoring life to the Earth's oceans and resetting the climate.

Told from the perspective of each crew member, this is the story of the last days of Galileo Team 10. Six and a half years into a mission besieged with tragedy, complications and conflict, the diverse crew battles inner demons, mysterious afflictions, and each other in the quest for success. Millions of lives hang in the balance as the seven crew members risk everything in the harshest climate humans have ever ventured, on EUROPA.

First 300 Words: (Note From Author: Because each chapter is written from a different character's perspective, the first 300 words aren't really representative of the bulk of the book.)

"Nature is relentless and unchangeable, and it is indifferent as to whether its hidden reasons and actions are understandable to man or not." -Galileo Galilei, 1564-1642 CE

1

GANESH

I f***g hate it here.

My bones are cold.

The chill sinks to the depths of my soul.

It settles in and there's no warmth left.

The Station is warm.

And I'm still f***g cold.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap.

Tapping the eraser on the paper doesn't warm my soul but it helps with the numbers.

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six

Seven

Eight

Nine

Ten

Eleven

Twelve

Thirteen

Fourteen

Fifteen

Sixteen

It helps me count something tangible.

Something real.

The eraser is real.

The paper is real.

The noise is real. In theory.

I scribble through the writing on the paper.

Try again.

Cold gets in my bones

It sinks deep into my soul

Til there is no warmth

A f***n' haiku.

G****n numbers based.

That means the numbers are coming back.

The g****n numbers.

I'm due.

Tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tick, tap, tap, tick, tap, tick, tap, tap, tick, tap, tap.

The clock on the wall ticks out of sync.

It throws my count off and the fractals come back.

My count is accurate.

Like everything else here, time freezes.

Staring at the clock doesn't make it move any faster.

My attention returns to the paper on the desk.

The paper darkens from a spatter of sweat.

A cardioid with three period bulbs.

Of course it is.

Did I touch my forehead?

 My fingertips are wet.

I attempt to wipe the sweat away with the back of my hand.

More cardioids splatter on my haiku.

The anticipation.

The clock still hasn't moved.

Comments: I like a lot of things about the cover. I like the eye. I love the fonts. I do like that the eye changes into something else at the top, but I can't tell what it is. That hurts the effectiveness of the cover in my mind. If I could tell at a glance what that is, I would like it better. I might like a dead world type of a scene on top, since your description talks about deserts and dry land. But overall I do like the cover. Nice job.

The description starts out good. I like the first paragraph. It gives me a succinct background and introduces me to the world, and what the conflict is. My problem comes in the second paragraph. This is where I was expecting to be introduced to the character I would spend my time with during the book. I would prefer the second paragraph to focus on one of the main characters. Sharing the spotlight equally between ten characters seems like a very hard thing to do successfully. I have a hard time with three or four main characters. Ten would be very difficult for me to write, and possibly difficult to read. It would have to be done very well. (And I'm not talking ten minor characters, I mean ten major characters who we get inside their head and get to know very well.)

I know the author said the first 300 words doesn't portray the entire book, however most people start reading and think the beginning of the novel gives them a real taste of how the novel is going to read. This book starts out deep into one character's mind. I assume his name is Ganesh. There's no plot at this point. There's just one guy, bored out of his skull, almost going crazy. If he's bored, the reader is going to be bored too. I'm sure other characters are more lively, but this might not be the best one to start with. I would not read further.

Now, I'm not saying that you can't go outside the box and write something that doesn't fit into the package we are used to. But be aware that if you do you will be swimming upstream, fighting for each sale. In general, people expect a book to have a beginning, a middle and an end. They expect to stay with one to three main characters for the story. They expect to read an inciting incident that starts everything off, read until they get to a climax, and then the story raps up and ends. These are the normal things we expect. This book seems to be presented in a different way than what we normally expect. This isn't bad in a literary sense, it's just bad in a marketing and sales sense. You're not selling what the majority of book sellers are selling. That *can* be a good thing if the book is exceptional and word of mouth gets out. However, that's a very difficult thing to have happen.

I think this book isn't selling because it is different from what we are used to when we go looking for a book to read. I don't think this necessarily dooms the book. It does make it harder to sell. I would make sure the book is exceptional. Get as many beta readers as you can, if you haven't already. If Ganesh isn't a good character to start with, start with a different one. Make sure the first 300 words grips the reader and doesn't let him/her go. Tweak the description until it does the same. You want to hook the reader early and string them along through the whole book. I do think this kind of book can sell, but it will be difficult in my opinion.

What do you guys think?

Mad Moral

Author: Kevin Anthony
Genre: Horror
How long it's been on sale: Beginning of March 2012
Current price: Free
Marketing: Twitter, Contacting Those Of My Mailing List of 4,100 Fans. Contacting Bloggers For Guest Post and Reviewers
Total given away so far: 288
Link to book on Smashwords: Mad Moral

Product Description:

Twenty year old Ford Fischer is a serial slasher desperately trying to resist the lure of the blade. After taking a life, Ford's regret consumes him, leading him to self-mutilate his hand in hopes of preventing further mayhem. All the while a series of family issues threaten to sidetrack his quest for mental stability.

His drug abusing mother disappears after an argument between her and Ford; leaving him sole caretaker of his transgender parent, whose life is slowly deteriorating from a mysterious illness. The parental strain leads him to weigh the strength of his bond with the two divorcees.

Just as Ford feels nothing more could go wrong, he finds himself in the middle of a slashing spree - the victims being slashers themselves. He's forced to play the role of detective to avoid becoming suspect, or worse, a victim. As slasher after slasher is eliminated, Ford seeks out the blade-friendly stalker with the morally conflicted mindset "slash or be slashed."

MAD MORAL is the world of Ford Fischer, where in murderous stuffed animals, demonic possessions, gigantic creepy crawlers, knife wielding slashers and much more madness are common place. Fischer, coupled with a romantically conflicted exorcist and a dreamer who redefines night terrors, leads us through a twisted world that can be best defined as one of a kind.

First 300 Words:

Tonight, the motive was madness. The senior class of Draper Preparatory High School gathered for one of the many hoorahs planned for their final year. It was a night for growing up, a night when cheerleaders conversed with those who envied their beauty, the chiseled athletes apologized to those who they terrorized, and the socially awkward finally found their voice. It was a chaotic scene, music blasted, the spiked punch flowed and expensive vases were shattered. They danced; they sang; they drank. They would, in all likelihood, never see these people again, and the possibility of hooking-up with their long time crush and making a lasting impression was deeply embedded in the minds of the partygoers, surviving the evening an afterthought.

    For Ford, however, Becky’s party was the perfect scene for a slashing. He stood across the street from the suburban home, hidden under the shadow of a palm tree. The autumn wind blew, ruffling the leaves of the gently swaying palm as well as Ford’s dark, low-cut hair. He wore a giddy smile across his thin, almost gaunt face. In the front pocket of the navy blue hooded sweatshirt he wore, his right hand gripped the handle of a knife. In the furthest reaches of his mind, where the madness roamed rampant he envisioned the blade drenched in blood, the warm, crimson liquid dripping onto his hand. The anticipation of the slashing, filling him with a burning excitement deep inside himself, prompted him to start across the street.

The driveway was crowded with the various cars of the party attendees, all more expensive than the whole of Ford’s apartment, furniture and all. They were the children of those who were in possession of master degrees and trust funds: doctors, lawyers, and politicians, to name a few. 

Comments: I am not getting a horror vibe from the cover. The cover is very important because it's the first impression your reader is going to get. The cover doesn't look very scary. It also doesn't look professional. When we put our books up for sale, or even to give them away, we are on the same bookshelf with the big names. Let's just look at some other horror covers in comparison.

Our books are side-by-side with the great books out there. Stephen King's book looks darn scary. And I haven't read anything from Andrew Kaufman, but there's a skeleton and blood on the cover. It screams "Horror." Mad Moral in the middle doesn't look scary to me. It doesn't say Horror. It looks like a homemade cover, not professional at all. I would highly suggest a new book cover.

The description is kind of all over the place, with too many details. I feel confused after reading it and the last paragraph makes me wonder if this isn't a parody instead. What is the inciting incident? Is it when he kills someone? Is it when his mother leaves? Or when a slasher starts killing other slashers? I think the description needs focus.

The beginning starts off passive for me. I'd rather start out in Ford's point of view, but instead we start in the point of view of the kids at the party. I'm not sure why Ford wants to kill, but after reading the description and knowing that he regrets killing someone I'm not very moved by his compulsion to murder. I don't fear him as I think I should. He comes across as a character to pity, but again, that is after reading the description. Maybe if the description were tweaked I might feel differently, I don't know.

What do you guys think?

The Kult

Author: Shaun Jeffrey

Genre: The author didn't list a genre, but I'm guessing it's horror or crime fiction.
How long it's been on sale: Previously published, but publisher went bankrupt. Re-released by me in March.

Current price: $3.45

Total sold so far: 59
Link to book on Amazon: The Kult

Product Description:

People are predictable. That’s what makes them easy to kill.

Detective Chief Inspector Prosper Snow is in charge of an investigation into a serial killer called The Oracle who turns his victims into macabre works of art. But Prosper harbours a dark secret of his own. He and his old school friends were members of a group called The Kult who made a pact to dish out their own form of vengeance on bullies. Now a member of the group puts their friendship to the test when he makes a far darker request: that they murder someone that raped his wife.

To get away with murder, the friends decide to blame it on The Oracle, but events take a chilling turn when the instigator turns up dead, his body fashioned into a disturbing work of art. Now, one by one, the members of The Kult are being hunted down.

Just when Prosper thinks things can’t get any worse, his wife is kidnapped and he knows that if he goes to his colleagues for help, he risks his dark deeds being unearthed. If he doesn't, he risks losing all that he holds dear. 

First 300 Words:

People are predictable. That’s what makes them easy to kill.

At least that’s what the Oracle hoped. He had studied and plotted Jane Numan’s routine over the weeks. Watched without her seeing, making note of every nuance, every step of her schedule until he had a complete diary of her movements, probably knowing more about her than she did about herself.

He crouched in the recessed doorway of the kebab shop opposite where she lived and gripped the handle of the knife in the sheath inside his jacket. His weapon of choice, he hoped the mere sight of the blade would instil terror in his prey, making it more personal, and putting him close enough that he could smell his quarry and see the fear in her eyes.

He looked at his watch; 6:29 a.m. and counting.

Any second now…

Like clockwork, the front door of what to anyone else would be a nondescript house opened and Jane walked out. The Oracle sank back into the shadows as he stared at the facial disfigurement that made it appear half her face was melting. Although only 23 years of age, she probably hadn’t had the easiest of lives, which made her all the more desirable as a victim as the more public sympathy his kill received, the more publicity he would generate, and as people were fond of saying, there’s no such thing as bad publicity, especially not for what he had planned.

The Oracle watched her check that the door was locked, pushing once, twice, then a third time, as she always did when she left the house. His pulse increased, a volcano waiting to erupt within his chest. He rubbed the sweat coated fingers of his free hand down his trousers. Everything was going according to schedule.


Vicki's Comments: The image on the cover is fantastic for a horror novel. If that's the genre, it fits perfectly. I'm not sure I love the font, it doesn't go with the tone of the book to me. I would try to find one that is more of a clean font. I would switch it and see if that makes a difference.

I like the description except for the first two lines. Starting with those first two lines makes me think the description is written in the killer's point of view, but then we switch right away into the detective's point of view and it confuses me. If I ignore the first two sentences I feel like it flows better. Could it be improved? Sure, I think it could be tightened up just a little bit. I would ask my critique group for suggestions to tighten it up. But really, it hooks me, so I think it's good!

The writing is tight, and it starts in a great place. I think this book can do very well. It's possible the higher price is holding it back. Maybe try a sale for a while, just to get some eyeballs on the book. There's really not a lot holding this book back, in my opinion. Once it gets some publicity I think it will become a hit!

What do you guys think?

Bloom's Desk

Author: Jeffrey Littorno
Genre: Horror
How long it's been on sale: 3 months
Current price: $6.99
Marketing: I have started a website/blog, Tweeted about book and links, used Book Buzzer, gotten  reviews, and sent out press releases.
Total sold so far: 16
Link to book on Amazon: Bloom's Desk

Product Description:

Following several years of teaching abroad, Glen Davis and his wife Christine have settled into a comfortable life in Northern California. Glen enjoys teaching at a local high school. Christine is studying at community college.
Then the voices start in Glen's head...
A long-dead serial killer named Robert Bloom has chosen Glen as the one to continue his deadly hobby. Now the young teacher must choose between saving himself or those around him.

First 300 Words:

Glen Davis didn’t believe in ghosts. But ghosts believed in him.

However, at this moment, such profound philosophical issues had no place within his mind. With his eyes clinched tightly closed, Glen was focused upon the banging of the MRI machine. The dull thuds did nothing but kick off a new round of the tooth-rattling throbs in his forehead. These headaches were part of the reason he had come to the doctor’s office and then to the MRI machine. Next came the loud blaring of what sounded like a truck horn and the machine gun clack-clack-clack seemingly designed to twist his spine.

At thirty-seven, Glen had enjoyed relatively good health with only the scattered bouts with the cold and flu. Most of the other teachers at Theodore Roosevelt High School suffered more from the constant stream of ailments students brought into the classrooms. He had been teaching sophomore and junior English at the high school for six years and had no plans to leave.

Finally, the slab under him slid out of the machine, and the nurse came back. “Looks like we’re all done.” She said trying to force cheerfulness into her voice that only sounded like forced cheerfulness. She was a fifty-ish, tall, unattractive woman who brought with her perfume that had a slight vanilla smell. Rather than having a pleasant effect on Glen’s senses, it only made him aware of the room’s other odors.

There was the usual medical facility tinge of disinfectant and medication. Alongside those, Glen detected another odor. This one seemed to be the product of the fear and anxiety caused by the MRI machine. Whether in his mind or elsewhere, Glen heard the thoughts of a middle-aged man worrying about a newly-discovered lump in the left side of his throat.

Vicki's Comments: The first thing people see is the cover. It should be cropped to just show the front, so that's the first thing I recommend. Second, the apple and books do not suggest horror at all. I would put something on the cover to indicate there's a killer in this book. A gun, a knife, some blood...something to show it's horror.

In the description, I would start with the part about the dead killer who wants Glen to continue his hobby for him. That's the hook in your story. No one is going to care that Glen had been teaching abroad, or that he's settled in Northern California. That's back story, and not very exciting. There's a murderer talking to him in his head, for heaven's sake. That's the part that should be highlighted. With a few tweaks, I think the description can read much better and give the reader that "I must buy this" feeling.

The writing could be tightened up a bit. I would cut any back story from the first chapter. I would suggest a critique group to help get rid of some weird words or redundant phrasing, and start with a bang. (Example: Eyes clinched tightly closed. Do you mean clenched? And how do you clench loosely? You don't need to clarify it was tightly closed if you say clenched.) The first few paragraphs are the most important in a book, and you want to suck the reader in right from the beginning. I think the premise for this book is good, but it needs some work to really shine.

One last thing. I think the price is too high. I would lower it. Granted, some people find that 99 cents is too low for them, so play around with price a little. Maybe yours sells better at $2.99. But $6.99 is very high for a self-published book, and will be an instant turn-off for many people.

What do you guys think?