Update: This is the new cover and blurb for Amazombia:
Each day he stays alive in
the jungle, he takes one step closer to the daughter he never met, and
realizes that perhaps living as a slave is not all it's cracked up to
be. (97,000 words, approx. 230 pages)
Comments on the new cover and blurb welcome.
Here is the original post:
Author: John M. Kelly Jr.
Genre: Fantasy, Romantic Comedy
How long it's been on sale: 5/13/2012
Current price: $2.99
Marketing: Harass you and friends on facebook
Total sold so far: 6
Link to book on Amazon: Amazombia
Amazombia is what happens when you cross the Amazon with zombies. Everything turns a greenish gray color, as any good finger painting does. Sometimes it smells lush and fruity, like the body wash of a beautiful show girl dancing on stage. At other times, not so good. A bit on the dank side, intermingled with a hint of decaying death.
Join in on the adventure. There's romance, jungles, grasslands, rivers, canoes, piranha, jaguars, and of course, a sprinkling of zombies. It's a serious work of art, and as with any serious work of art, watch for spiders. The author holds no guarantees that you will not walk into any spider webs when reading this book. But it's really not about the sticky webs in your face, is it? Of course not. It's not knowing where the giant spider is. Sure, just a moment ago he was dangling in space, a giant Alaskan king crab in the middle of the jungle. Now where is? Ignore him. That tightening around your chest? That's nothing. Well, it's something. It's either your heart, or the spider clinging to you. Either way, relax, enjoy. It's a good romp...just wave your hands in front of you as you go along. That's what I do. (97,000 words, approx. 230 pages)
First 300 Words:
Deviled Zombie Eyes
6 freshly killed zombies
1 can crème of mushroom soup
3 mustard packets
3 mayonnaise packets
1 teaspoon paprika
1 large onion, halved
water to cover
Make sure zombies were killed in the last 24 hours. If you're not comfortable killing your own zombie, ask a professional. It doesn't matter if the eyeballs are intact within the skull, or if they're hanging out of the eye socket. We'll put them back in the skull for presentation purposes later. If they're older than 24 hours, forget it. No amount of boiling is going to make the eyeballs any less rubbery.
Scoop out eyeballs from sockets, discard optic nerves (optionally, cut up the optic nerves and use later in broth for seasoning). You can find an abundance of canned crème of mushroom soup in any abandoned shopping center. If you find any cans of dog food, great! The recipe doesn’t call for it, but give yourself a pat on the back for a good find. Canned dog food is a delicacy and hard to come by these days. Open the can of crème of mushroom soup, and discard contents. They have zero nutritional value. We will use the can later to store the eyeball fluid in.
Next, find the condiments in any abandoned fast food establishment. Don't bother looking for any frozen meats, they went bad as soon as the power grid went down. If you find any breads, great. Make sure the bread isn't moldy. If made into sandwiches, moldy bread will distract from the tangy taste of zombie eyes. The condiment ratio is a packet each of mayo and mustard per set of eyes. Any more, or any less, will overpower (or under enhance) the taste…just like moldy bread.
Halve each eyeball, starting at the pupil,
Comments: The style of the cover makes me think this is a middle grade book, however, the scantily clad woman makes me think it's not a middle grade book, so at first glance I'm confused. The title is hard to read, as is the author's name. The cover is also unappealing to me for some reason. Maybe it's the colors, I'm not sure. I would definitely recommend a new cover.
The entire description doesn't tell me anything about the storyline of the book. When I read a description, I want to know what the storyline is going to be about. I want to know who the main character is, and what obstacle they have to overcome. This description doesn't tell me anything about who I'm going to be spending the next few hours with if I buy this book. I want to know what I'm getting into before I buy. I would re-work the whole description. Get some other author's eyes on it. Ask your critique group about it. Often the description is the hardest thing to write. Get help.
The book starts with a recipe. Okay. It's a humorous fake-recipe, but it doesn't pull me into the story. IS there a story here? If not, let's totally reframe this. What kind of book is this? A collection of humorous things about zombies? I'm not getting it. If there really is a story here, with a main character, a plot, some sub-plots, a story arc and all that, let's start with a scene. Let's stick the funny recipe stuff in later, or at the end. If this book isn't really a novel, like in the traditional sense, we will need to figure out exactly what this is before going further. The cover, description and sample are all confusing to me. It needs to be clear to the reader what they are getting. This is terribly unclear. My suggestion would be to get help from your beta readers/critique partners. Have them help you define what this book really is, and then make the cover and description match. What other books are out there like this? See how they packaged their books. Look at the covers and descriptions. And if you've written a book in which there are no other books to compare with, well, that could be a very big problem. It's hard to sell something that isn't like anything else out there.
What do you guys think?