tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5142930702674170471.post8582593358193402105..comments2023-02-21T00:26:51.051-08:00Comments on Why Isn't My Book Selling?: Raw VengeanceVictorinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06052077366367623323noreply@blogger.comBlogger8125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5142930702674170471.post-42626968589923646582012-12-03T17:42:26.531-08:002012-12-03T17:42:26.531-08:00I like the cover. My first impression was suspense...I like the cover. My first impression was suspense/crime novel. I'm not sure if that is political thriller or not, but the cover wouldn't prevent me from picking up the book if suspense/crime was my preference.<br /><br />The product description has a lot of redundancies and is a bit unfocused. Might want to consider streamlining the information. Maybe focus on just one character. Also the thought, "Not another 9/11 book" crossed my mind.<br /><br />First 300 words. The first sentence was a bit of a turn off for me. It's put together in a way that makes me have to reread it. I probably wouldn't read past the second paragraph though. It's too busy. This person doing that; that person doing this. None of it's relevant to the story. It doesn't really pull me in.<br /><br />I also wonder why Wes isn't mentioned in the description.Reena Jacobshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16860984511692822921noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5142930702674170471.post-36990408585004371092012-12-02T15:29:08.921-08:002012-12-02T15:29:08.921-08:00The beginning--you're telling me about the wea...The beginning--you're telling me about the weather. You have to suck people in fast if you want them to keep reading. Even dramatic weather won't do that. People having a conflict about the weather (for example) will.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5142930702674170471.post-28091030186039545082012-12-02T15:24:56.788-08:002012-12-02T15:24:56.788-08:00Funny thing - I've seen this cover before (in ...Funny thing - I've seen this cover before (in thumbnail) and I always thought it was a submarine. Now I can see that it's a city.<br /><br />I agree with the other comments. From the blurb, it seems that 'Rich' is the main character, yet the book starts out with 'Wes' who is never mentioned in the blurb.<br /><br />The first 300 words do nothing for me. It seems very distant, like some narrator is standing off to the side and telling us about 'Wes'. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5142930702674170471.post-14435961863123275522012-12-02T14:30:22.854-08:002012-12-02T14:30:22.854-08:00From the title, I got thriller, but I didn't g...From the title, I got thriller, but I didn't get that feeling from the cover. I didn't get political thriller from either the cover or the blurb.<br /><br />Too much going on in the blurb and then when I got to the first 300, there was even more going on and whatever action there was, didn't seem to relate to the blurb.<br /><br />I agree with everyone else that there are too many plots for a novella. I can't see that all those plot lines will be resolved in the short form. <br /><br />Before reworking the cover and the blurb, I would think about the story and what's important to it.<br />Margarethttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04832055618604176686noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5142930702674170471.post-12505914652967359942012-12-02T13:54:39.952-08:002012-12-02T13:54:39.952-08:00I've seen this cover before. Have you been fea...I've seen this cover before. Have you been featured on this blog previously?<br /><br />Cover: very thriller-ish. A bit generic, but I don't think that this is holding you back.<br /><br />Blurb: Very, very, very disjointed. We have three people who don't seem to have any common thread to join them into a coherent story. We have all of the issues of modern life tossed in. Actually, from the blurb I get the feeling that this is a short story collection of three different stories about three different characters about completely different issues. And it's a novella?<br /><br />Toss out and start over. The blurb needs to give us sense of a coherent story, and a character (one, not three).<br /><br />Sample: Continues in the same vein as the blurb. We're introduced to yet another character. The entire sample is told in a very stand-offish, impersonal, narrating kind of way. I agree with Victorine. This needs a lot of focusing and reworking. <br /><br />From what's presented here, I don't think the book has a good handle on plot or POV. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5142930702674170471.post-60879337219336425782012-12-02T13:53:15.019-08:002012-12-02T13:53:15.019-08:00I agree that you have way too many characters and ...I agree that you have way too many characters and way too much going on in your blurb. You don't have to tell the reader everything -- you just want to give them enough to entice them into reading more. The book sounds really confusing from the blurb. <br /><br />I also agree that a critique group or some critical beta readers or a professional development editor (not a copy editor or proofreader, but an editor who will help with story) would be a good idea. Your first 500 words are the most important words in the book (second most important are the last 500). The weather, followed by a bored cop thinking about his 401K, is not a compelling way to start. <br /><br />I hope this is helpful not just rude, but I actually would not read past your first paragraph. Weather is a boring way to open a story, and the "crime rises in the summer heat wave" is such a cliche. I might not even make it past the first line, because of "heat" being used twice. Word repetition is one of the easy identifiers of a book that's not been edited, and these days, I've gotten much warier about wasting my time. It's not that the word repetition alone is significant, but unedited books are also likely to have plot holes, character inconsistencies, and other sloppy elements that will frustrate me instead of being a satisfying reading experience.<br /><br />That said, you put together good sentences and your use of imagery is strong. You should persevere. Good luck! Sarah Wyndehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02208314684112329427noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5142930702674170471.post-80762147633650369482012-12-02T13:52:30.915-08:002012-12-02T13:52:30.915-08:00Political thrillers aren't my thing, so I'...Political thrillers aren't my thing, so I'm not really sure what elements are supposed to go into one. Reading this from the eyes of a person who is ignorant/new to political thrillers, I agree about the points made. As I read the excerpt, I got confused. I thought this book was about a television reporter named Rich. But instead, I am immediately introduced to a character that wasn't even mentioned in the blurb. The first chapter needs to feature the main character (or at least, mention him) so we're not confused.R.M. Prioleauhttp://www.rmprioleau.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5142930702674170471.post-40039754118505525602012-12-02T13:48:13.664-08:002012-12-02T13:48:13.664-08:00Both the description and the beginning of the book...Both the description and the beginning of the book confused me. In both cases, the author seems to be trying too hard (sharing too much) from the smaller, seasonal details to things readers might not really care about.<br /><br />I understand that it's after 9/11, but why should I, as a reader, care abut how warm the summer was? There is a lot of purple prose in there that should get cut.<br /><br />I need to be honest, I stopped reading after the second paragraph. Nothing in those two paragraphs was interesting enough for me to keep going.<br /><br />It looks like we start with backstory. That said, I think the author needs to reconsider the beginning. Throw us right into the action and cut out all the fat.<br /><br />The plot you seem to have planned based on the book blurb is much too long for a novella, unless you're going to do something like Disney and just give us a glimpse of every plot point.<br /><br />I can know for sure, of course, but it does feel like it needs a lot of work.<br /><br />Read through it. Read it aloud. After every sentence, ask yourself 'is this important to the plot?' If you answer no, then cut it and go from there.Nicole Thomashttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01751419575963239187noreply@blogger.com